but....
I M SO EXCITED THAT SCHOOL IS STARTING!!!!!!!!!
because i am sick of "nua-ing" at home aimlessly......
i know i wanted to do alot alot of things...but...seriously......
i am quite a procrastinator( wonder if i spelt it right...??? dang....after all these years i still can't get it.....boo)
anyways......back to the topic....
yea...a new semester marks a new beginning....the first day of term is going to be exciting for me because i am going for my first ever japanese lesson in NgeeAnn!!! woot~~!! i am going to meet my new せんせい（先生）[teacher]
先生、はじめまして。よるしくおねがいします！それから、私は一歩一歩がんばりますね！(sensei, hajimemashite, yorushiku onegaishimasu! sorekara, watashi wa ippo ippo ganbarimasu ne!) [teacher, this is the first time i am meeting you, 请多多指教！From now on, with every step on the way, i will do my very best to learn]
do i sound mad????
haha.
anyways....i want to start being very very serious about what i do....have fun but be serious at the same time ***ahem.....can someone explain what this crazy girl means??? she contradicts herself=PP****
as in...hmn.....how do i explain it......
i have to admait that i haven't been diligent in my practice......
during the Student Advance..........i learnt alot......it was painful at quite a few times( almost like being slapped in the face)....but i learnt and i am grateful for that.
but one thing was about strictness being the new IN thing.
i have to be strict with myself with regards to my practice.....
only will the rest fall in place..............
sometime.....i really really want to....yet......sometimes.....it becomes too habitual...till there is no feeling at all.........
i want to climb out from the pit that i have fallen in to.........
*hear me....help me...............*
Sometimes, i just want to pack up and leave.......
Go somewhere where people don't know me....
Fly somewhere where everything is a new experience...
Reside somewhere new and learn of new people..........
seriously!! i get this sudden urges to book myself on a plane and fly......
luckily i am a broke girl......
and i know that flying off like that is quite irresponsible at times isnt it????
urghhhh!!!!!
but sometimes.......it feels like i am running away..........from something and i don't know what.......
( someone just stand up and say "this gal is problematic"seesh....)
there are so many dreams and goals that i want to achieve.....
i keep asking myself though.....are you even up to it......
ha.
but i cant just wallow in self doubt.....and wait for things to materialise....
i must fight...for what i want, what i dream...........
and pray for the understanding of those beside me................................................
it's just that......................
it really hurts when you feel that people don't believe you can make it........
i think i scared my lil'bro that day after student advance when we got home..........we had a nice long chat but i broke down.....................it was then that both my bro and i realised how much pain can be trapped within...........
pain of which some i dont even know the source......
am i going mad?? haha.....
i am not having depression am i?????!!!=/
it felt good to cry though.......
and i learnt that i have a great lil'bro...really.....he is going to grow up to be a good person....
i know this may sound alittle bonkers......
but, i sometimes just want to have a real good crying jag in the protective embrace of someone else and let loose and bawl.....hah.....havent done that yet though........................
not in a very extreamly long time.........................
last person was either grandma, papa or mama....see....i dont even remember,. seesh......
Lonliness accompanied by other lonely souls....:
i peer at the world from within my grey dark room,
i hide the monochomatic world i live in,
with bright paints to cover the gloom.
i thought i was all alone in this daily ritual,
but it turned out that i have similar neighbours
with every turn of the road i go.
they hang their lawns with colourful streamers
proclaiming joy to all.....
but yet i know the other side of their curtains,
is a grey shadow that grows dark and tall.
when will the sun shine into the gloom of these homes?
and paint the inside with rainbows too?
i know these colourful homes exsits somewhere.....
but the journey to it can be tiring though....
when will we open our hearts and show clearly,
the pain that is evident within it?
and yet still stand with our head held high,
walking on without turning back........
do i even dare?
just listen to my heart.........................hear me........................are you there?
-timeless-
言葉はいらない
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