how do i tell you daddy??

yesterday.......
it seems far away.......
yet i still remember it vividly ........

i quarreled with daddy........

though it is not as if it hasn't happened before
but even so, it still hurts doesn't it?

all i wanted to say was "daddy, didi needs you...he needs your praise and your support"

but it all escaleted into a huge quarrel in the car all the way to school in clementi that seemed to him to say that i as his child did not appreciate him............

it is almost needless to say that i cried buckets...

i found out later that he does show his concern to my brother in a more gentle way....which i sort of in a way said that he did not posses.......

it makes me so guilt-ridden.

but it all started with me just wanting to share with papa what i have learnt in class about positive child guidence..........
but i ended up hurting him...........



For My Daddy:

Since i was in the dark warmth of my mother's womb,
i heard you voice.
Since i first opened my eyes to see this world,
i saw your face.
With small steps i started walking my road in this world.
Yet every step would not have been possible without you.

As a baby and a little toddler you sang me to sleep
to the song "love your pa, love your ma...."
whose familiar notes that i still recall.

As a baby and a little toddler i delighted at your smile,
or cried when you frowned.
for the familiar notes still played.

yet.

Since i have growned and started having views of my own,
i wanted to shut out your voice.
Since i have grown and started having a mind of my own,
i sometimes want to shut out your face.

and slowly the familiar notes where shut away.
but they still softly, almost silently play.

till the day that it dawned that i have hurt
you in more ways than i know
so much so that is seems as if i no longer love or appreciate you.

yet daddy, the familiar notes still play.....
how do i tell you daddy,
that i do not want to dissapoint you in anyway?
how do i tell you daddy,
that i am still that same child that delights in your smile?

how do i tell you daddy,
that the familiar notes still play?
that i will never forget the words
"love your pa, love your ma"
that you once sang,
softly,
to end my day.....


i so want to tell you and show you that i love you daddy
but.......i don't know how.....
or am i just afraid?