Floating thoughts

kindred

2010-03-21T00:33:00.002+08:00

did i know you from somewhere
from a time
long forgotten
from a place
so far away from now?

did i once hear your silent shouts
like silent echos
in the crowd?

is this age old feeling new?
or the other way around?

like the natural mirror in the still lake with the caress of a moonlit night

seemingly gleaming brand new
but maybe its been always
just the same old story
in differents masks
to tell

name this game

2010-03-21T00:08:00.003+08:00

you think
i thought
she says
he says
we said

a little pointing game
didn't want this ill begotten fame
stuck in the middle
just name the dame
forget that she's a
living walkng talking
mannequin

screams
from the deepest darkest cells if my seared heart
hair standing on end

cold
like never before in all my waking living memory
shivers from a broken soul

caught
like a cut off forgotten kite in a tree
tattered and fluttering in vain

tempted
by the groggy throbing brain pain
to dance dance dance to the pumping club music's vein

no abracadabra
can make this vanish again

for history wrote itself
every step of the way

seven strings
the pull so tight
with a twitch of the stick
i move left and right

too many wants
too many grunts

too many too many to think stright for once

dont want to see this ever again

dont want to think anything ever again

will there be a hand
a rope
that will save me from
this slippery spiral down
to pain

idk

2010-03-03T00:55:00.005+08:00

It curls like the a serpent that is strangling it's prey
Crushing
everything that holds me

I wonder what I did right,
I wonder what I did wrong,
I wonder what can I do
to make it spring again
to struggle away from the serpent's poisonous fangs

I think the heart's fallen to my stomach
or maybe to my foot
It sometimes seems to be still at the right spot,
growing, painfully but surely,
one day brusting out from my back

that's how it feels

Every step I take, I do it with a dazed aching brain and a calm smiling face
Maybe it didn't reach the corners
But still, it was a worthy disguise

The day the streams flowed out of my eyes haunts me
It left my body cold
Shivering
Like I were in icy ocean waters
My head spun when I woke up
The sunshine streaming in through the window hurt my eyes

What should I do now?
What is right?
Is it greed, arrogance or just a fear of regrets?

I don't know what to think
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to see it as,
My arrogance or good principles?

Is this the beginning of an end
Or a beginning of dreams?
Or is it that the cold glinting snow and harsh winter winds
had been there all along?

And to my lovely gran,
your embrace
your words
were the warmest thing
for this cold lost soul

Maybe...

2009-07-22T18:42:00.003+08:00

Maybe I was just never ment to play this part,

but oh the irony when people say that there's a reason for me to be there.

Many a time recently i have wondered,

that maybe I am but a seat warmer,

heating it up only bodily, without any soul.

For sometimes it all feels like clock work, that my soul and fire isnt needed.

I thought that maybe i had gained their trust, but now i feel i may have been wrong.

I seem like the null in the equation, redundent with my right and left hands gone.

Am I really needed?

Am I really right for the job?

Is it even a job in the first place?

Can i change that thought?

I wonder where is the person I thought I was.

I wonder where is the person who felt in her bones that she and everyone else about her were really born to win.

Where is that fighting spirit?

That courage that I once knew?

Maybe , just maybe,

I was never ment to be..............

I guess maybe I am but a strange dough with too much butter to end up fitting the mould.

Hate that I Love You Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo

2008-12-22T16:31:00.001+08:00

not new, but hey,
its the partnership of 2 people whose songs i always look at for inspiration in dance perf. music mixes.
go rihanna, go ne-yo.

this is beautiful
*nuff said*

dropping

2008-12-19T11:38:00.002+08:00

i didnt want all these in the first place....
the crying jags
the emotinoal roller coaster rides
the sleepless nights
the talking down
the anger and arrogance devouring my soul
the cold fury
the bitchy demenour
the high and mighty asshole shit...........

i knew all these negetivity were within me

i know its an innate nature like my 2nd breath

i ran away from places that will make me more so...
no lawyer....no doctor.....no coporate high flyer as my careers, i thought.....

but its no difference,

i've become more and more the person that i know i am but dont want to be

i was inspired in october by people so pure and strong......

but maybe....it's cus i ain't them.........

so it can only be an inspiration and too late to be a reality reflected on me.................

so
face it lady
take the slash of the blade you threw...
bite the bullet and if you miss and if it kills you
it kills you

SoulJa feat. Yukie - Soba Ni iru Ne

2008-12-09T20:58:00.001+08:00

another version

Koko ni Iru yo- SoulJa ft. Thelma Aoyama ENG SUBBED

2008-12-09T20:35:00.001+08:00

Soba Ni Iru Ne

2008-12-09T20:34:00.001+08:00

Soba Ni Iru Ne - Thelma Aoyama Feat. SoulJa

2008-12-09T20:16:00.003+08:00

そばに　いる　ね　Thelma Aoyama Feat. SoulJa

あなたのこと　
私は今でも思い続けているよ
いくら時流れて行こうと　I'm by your side baby いつでも
So.　どんなに離れていようと
心の中ではいつでも
一緒にいるけど　寂しいんだよ
So baby please　ただ hurry back home※
[Even now I am still thinking of you ,
doesn't matter how long it takes
I’m by your side baby, always
So however far apart we are In my heart we’ll always be together
We are alive, But I’m so lonely
So baby please just hurry back home]
△Baby boy　あたしはここにいるよ　
どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know dat I love you　だからこそ　
心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても
変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ
[*Baby boy, I’ll be right here
Won’t go anywhere, I’ll be waiting for you
You know that I love you, so
There’s no need to worry
No matter what’s the distance, this heart of mine will never change
You know what I want to say don’t you?
I’ll be waiting for you]

△[SoulJa]んなことよりお前の方は元気か?　
ちゃんと飯食ってるか?
ちくしょう、やっぱ言えねぇやまた今度送るよ　俺からのLetter
[Before anything else, how have you been?
Have you been eating well?
Damn, I still can’t seem to think of what to say.
Guess I’ll send it another time, this letter of mine]

[青山テルマ]
過ぎ去った時は戻せないけれど　
近くにいてくれた君が恋しいの
だけど　あなたとの距離が遠くなる程に　
忙しくみせていたあたし逃げてたの
だけど　目を閉じる時　眠ろうとする時　
[But, every time when I close my eyes and when I fall asleep]
逃げきれないよ　あなたの事
[I could never run away from you]
思い出しては　一人泣いてたの
[I reminisce and alone I cry]

(※くり返し)(△くり返し)

[SoulJa]不器用な俺　遠くにいる君伝えたい気持ちそのまま言えずに　
君は行っちまった今じゃ残された君はアルバムの中

[青山テルマ]
アルバムの中　納めた思い出の
日々より　何げない一時が　
今じゃ恋しいの
And now　あなたからの電話待ち続けていた
[And now I’m still waiting for your call]
携帯にぎりしめながら眠りについた
[Hands still clasped on my cell phone even as I fall asleep]
あたしは　
どこも行かないよ　ここにいるけれど見つめ合いたいあなたのその瞳
[I won’t go anywhere, I’ll just stay right here. I just want to gaze and stare into your eyes]
ねぇわかるでしょ?　あたし待ってるよ
[You already know, don’t you? That I’ll be waiting for you]

(△くり返し)

[SoulJa]
俺はどこも行かないよ　ここにいるけれど　
探し続けるあなたの顔Your 笑顔　
今でも触れそうだって思いながら手を伸ばせば　君は

(※くり返し×2)

Awww man, this is such a beautiful song....

It is the reply to SoulJa's kokoni iru yo (i'm right here).

Love it.

だけど　目を閉じる時　眠ろうとする時

逃げきれないよ　あなたの事.

あなたからの電話待ち続けていた携帯にぎりしめながら眠りについた.\

いくら時流れて行こうと　I'm by your side baby いつでも

一緒にいるけど　寂しいんだよSo baby please　ただ hurry back home

どんなに遠くにいても

変わらないよこの心

言いたい事わかるでしょ?

あなたのこと待ってるよ

housekeeping

2008-11-29T22:39:00.002+08:00

removing the dust from my long untouched blog today....

Its been CRAZY...

Projects.....video-ed , typed, taught, danced, discussed....
Kenshu Planning.....
which includes choreography......4 eights down, 40 more eights to go....
many other stuff....

i wonder how i will coordinate it all.

if i can split myself into 10 i will.

but hey, i did still find time to play
cus we Phuture-ed the day after Jing's Birthday.
Hope you like your Dior holiday makeup collection gal=)

not to mention all the nice music i have to listen to and the countless videos i watched, all for the choreo's inspiration....

i m impressed by the talent out there.

i hope we all pull through.
School,
Kenshu,

Everything.

Missing my choir pals and sec sch pals too...
Hope to meet up soon k? =) Love u guys.

Kinda confused about where i wanna go after grad-ing from poly...

Well, i will take it all one step at a time and think...
oh yeaa....

for now, just enjoy all the stuff while i still can.

FINAL SEM...

2008-10-16T00:35:00.002+08:00

like arrgghhh!!!

the last time i was here ( yea sarah, u were right, 29 AUg 08!!)
i was still working in that company.....

nOw, i finished work at a second company and is already almost at the END of my first week back at school..

like, HOW FAST IS THAT??!

Looking at the workload presented by my lecturers....

i forsee hell in the near future.

i keep telling myself i will live through all these,
encouraging myself that i will be able to help do up a nice entertaining event for kenshu,
as well as getting inspration for the routines used in the above said event by attending dance classes at Studio Wu <3.

well, lookin' on da BRIGHTER side,

i did manage to squeeze in play time during my final week of holiday=)

-KBOX-ed with HuiTing and went Haji Lane to seesha (hell, i don't think i spelt that right..)

-lunched with HuiJeen, Joanne and Sarah @ Jurong Point (cus the lovely ladies are now ALL in the westside in Uni. hahax=P. Am looking foward to more makan sessions^^ )

-dinner-ed and starbucked (JP's treat!=D) at our old secondary school hangout -Compass Point with Joanne, Jon Lee and Jon Pang, and of course our crasher huijeen *kiddin=P* it has been AGES since i seen the 2 jons! i think JP is taller, i m positive he GREW.like he isnt tall enough. hahax. It was great catching up will all of you^^ hope next time more XMCHorale people can make it^^ . It will probably be the weekends though, cus half of them are in NS and they book out at the weirdest hours. Sometimes it even seems like a "heng-suay" thing when it comes to meeting up for dinner.

:::THIS WEEK:::
15/10-went to watch REDOUBLED by Singapore Dance Theater. One of the features in this year's Da:ns Festival! It was a treat from weiqi cus he wanna thank me for helping with the editing of the steps and all that in the MidAutumn FEstival Performance for Kolam Ayer CC. hahax. Redoubled features 2 dance pieces.
1. Sometimes I think I Remember -Choreographer: Jeffery Tan (resident choreographer & senior artiste in SDT)
It was a nice emotive piece which shows the lead sometimes in a dream , sometimes waking up, with videos and voices that keep questioning. All the questions were thought provoking.
like -"is she really there? is she not? sometimes i feel all alone. / as a child we lay together and you promised me, it was our secret-a promise, but maybe you wanted something else" *these arent the exact words but snippets of what i remember and of course credit of it all still goes to the piece's creators"*
i could somehow feel the pain that the characters were going through. the confusion, and anguish and frustration.

but the beautiful part was that at the end, the voice said......

whatever happens.

"keep walking.."

and it ended there. startling and provoking, encouraging after all the dark emotions where exposed.

2. Pellucid -choreographer: Kuik Swee Boon (aka as ruiwen lao shi to some of us=))
the write up in the programme for this piece was rather short, stating that it's theme was "simplicity"- with "miracles and fantasy" and life being back to basics. *as described in the programme booklet*
Knowing laoshi, it would be abstract.
And i kept wondering, what is this trying to tell me? which part of it is simplicity?
As i watched, a story/ theory formed....
The characters were at home, home from work and it's raining. She couldn't sleep and is sitting on the bar stool in the kitchen. He gives her a drink of water. They try to sleep. He does, she doesnt and is awake once more. Fear grips her, she shines the torch at the threatening figures but maybe they weren't really there. Maybe it is simply about being alone?
She sees the carpets being rolled up...could this be the vision of riches being stripped away and going back to a simple life?
She struggles,he awakes,he calms her down once more. The simple life at home?

hmmmnnnn...........
Maybe it is really about the audience watching and the searching within them the simplicity in their lives by reflecting and thinking about the similarities in their lives to the movements and images the dancers portray.

i may never know what laoshi truely wants to say,
but this is my interpretation....

in one word it is absract. its just absract. but it makes you think. ^^

and it is making me MISS ecnad .

hahax.

OH, on the quite bright side of things......

i am 19 already.
and i had a REALlY memorable birthday...

yea, i had my share of presents, clothes from mummy n daddy, bags from my chapter i/cs and communicators, a damn CUTE 2009 schedule book and other gifts from friends, promises of belated treats and gifts, and numerous well wishes from people

all of which i have to say a BIG THANK YOU=)
but you know the best part????????!!!

the most freaking MEMORABLE PART???

it was that on the day of my birthday,

my dearest mommy treated me like CINDERALLA.

before you can say "awww, so sweet, she's still her mommy's princess"

hold up.

let me finish my sentence...

yes she treated me like Cinderalla.......BEFORE the BALL that is.....

my mom gave me life skills training of washing clothes and using the washing machine, ironing , hanging etc etc etc.
on my birthday.

and she was LAUGHING NON STOP.-.-
cus she says i look DAMN FUNNY when i do Housework,
i drop the pole for hanging clothes, she laugh.
i hit the glass door with the same pole, she laugh.
the plants drop out of the flower pot and the soil drop the floor, she laugh.
hand washing the more delicate frabics without having a stool to sit down (hey, shun bian train my legs ma, i been out of dance practice in awhile you knOw!!!), she STILL laugh!

actually, almost everything she laugh!

like ARRGGGHHHHHhhhhhhHHHH!

hahax. but yea it was a memorable essential bithday lesson. lol!

what are the things i really miss now????

1. my maid (she went back for a month holiday. which explains the entire housework fiasco)
2. ECNAD! like, gosh i miss my contemparary dance school! there is so much more i want to learn from howchoon and the rest. BUT, i have to keep myself focused and comit proper for the May dance project. Thats why i signed up for Studio WU cus they allow me to be VERY flexible with my schedule=). BUT I STILL MISS ECNAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. ****
4. SLEEP!

oh well. NIGHTS PEEPS!

or rather, good morning. hahax.

Updates.........

2008-08-29T14:41:00.005+08:00

hey world,

girl in office now.
finished 2nd last semester a month ago
in 3rd wk of job now.
hope they'll extend contract=p

thing is, 1st week, excel file and event.
2nd week, still stare at excel file.
3rd week, excel over n done with. no new excel to stare at.

all the other miscelleneous jobs have been done

lucky thing is that i have a damn nice view from my window=)
i have greens to look at to rest my eyes (which i forgot to do alot when i was staring at the excel files.

i do hope they give me somehing that can sustain for more weeks than one

despite slacking being shuang, i'd rather be occupied.

movin on to other things,

i am gOnna be dancing again=)
totally chionging rehersals now.....
cheography nOt finalised yet.....shucks.....

and i have alot of pending art work for student activity.................................

no sleep tonight again......

was kinda sianned after the final meeting on wednesday where things were to be presented....

i m confused as to what my behaviour should be......

okay granted, i need better time management......i should have finished asking the other party all the questions......
but i was seriously curious....
i was giving a hypothesis...................
u mean i cant even do that?
what if it really happens?? what is the correct way of handling??

okay, i sound like i m trying to answer for my actions, covering my own ass and pushing my right.......

i should stop that....

girl here is inexperienced ya.....havent been doing activity in ages.

but yet again,

what is the truth? what is the correct way?

do i just take everything at face value.....

can i even ask?

sometimes, i think i should just shut up, don't use brain and stone....
cus say anything also can't do anything deshyo?

mom says its not about them, its about you.
yea........
i tink so too....
the basic realm of anger, the innate ability of arrogance, the want for perfection..............
it runs like an enbalm in my family's blood.....

am so blardy tired by all these confusing things and situations......

don't think i m ready for anything, needless to say leading...

mae once said that we are never ready for these sort of thing........

maybe, maybe.....

i even have time to blog, oh my......this job is cute...

i have japanese class homework....
wished i brought to office man......

sigh......

i so miss the kids from childcare

gosh, michelle has a blogshop....
i m so freaking tempted can???

totally gonna buy at least 2=pp

hahahahahx

will put her link up in the corner =PpP

crazy little world that we live in...........

Gifts that you have should be used to make good.

2008-06-08T15:52:00.002+08:00

Isnt that so?
if you had a gift for something, shouldnt it be used to make the world a better place?
shouldnt it be used to say something real and touch the hearts of others? evoke a thought in others?
shouldnt it be positive?

when we do a performance, be it music or dance, or when we do an art piece,
behind all the fun and enjoyment on stage,

there is a message the artiste wants to put across
an issue that the artisite wants to talk about
a value that they want to portray
an emotion or a story that they want to show
a viewpoint that they want to speak of
a picture that they want to paint
a pain they want to tell
a joy they want to sound

it is this insight that moves people. the thoughts and emotions behind it all.

there's a reason why i like the band simple plan. their lyrics are raw and true. it relates.

it advocates sometimes even.

all these arty farty song writing, picture painting, dance cheographing?
yea it entertains.
my the upbeat ones really rawks the house down!=)

but most importantly? it reaches out to people, influences people.

i believe in this......

if you have a gift, use it.....and use it well.

that was all that i wanted you to understand........................
maybe next time, i should just shut it , save it and write it.

You Can't stop the beat!

2008-06-08T11:14:00.005+08:00

Whoever watched Hairspray will know this song....

an excerpt:

You cant stop an avalanche

As it races down the hill

You can try to stop the seasons, girl

But ya know you never will

And you can try to stop my dancin' feet

But i just cannot stand still

Cause the world keeps spinnin'Round and round

And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound

I was lost til i heard the drums Then i found my way

Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man

And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it

The best that i can today

'Cause you cant stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna But i never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I'm gonna spit in your eye and say

That you cant stop the beat!

ok, i know some parts of the song may sound cheesy, but the beat's infectious in that retro kind of way so to hell with it. And it is speaking the truth isnt it?

Well its true for me=)

I wish i have more hours in my day to do everything and to dance more.

My journey in my interest, dance?

It started as a kid....

dragged my little brother and "cheographed" this ribbon dance thing to welcome my aunt.

he willingly did it okay!! awww man....wish i took pictures, then i would use it as BLACKMAIL!! kidding=P

I then asked for ballet classes....

parents said no......

but i always enjoyed watching figure skaters and ballroom dancers on TV thereafter.

Then came primary school...

I remember my classmates and i sang and danced to Westlife's Coast to Coast.

oh the horror!! it was only "cheographed" the day before, and....nevermind......we were all young once. i don't want pcitures for this one.

Then came secondary school...

by then, during CCA selections, I could never qualify for dance in school cus i was stiff like a stick.

N i was selected for choir<33

n i love singing too u knw^^ miss my choir mates=)

however, in secondary 2, i helped learn the steps to Jolin Tsai's hit See my 72 transformations and Qi shi jing shen and danced together with my classmates for a teacher's day item..

i enjoyed it.

i didnt have a fringe then and looked like an egg on stage, so no way for pictures....no way.....i jus wanna rmb shaking to the beat.

There were also choir Melizo 2 and 3=) The musicals had both singing AND dancing.

I had the best of both worlds=)

i can totally hear Miley Cyrus singing Hannah Montana's opening song "best of both worlds" right now.....

Well....then came poly and i WANTED to go for the dancesport cca (ballroom, u know salsa and the likes?) but the then PC had lots of meetings that i had to attend and they usually clashed with it....so i had to forgo.

I watched Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights as well as the original Dirty Dancing that year and i was mesmerised......LOVED the dancing in there! and the music!!! oh man. it was on replay mode for a long long time.

Then came STepUp=)

i had my eyeballs GLUED to the screen for that one. watched it countless times already.

it took my breath away.

i was like.....

OH MY GOODNESS I WANNA DANCE!!!

i saw Heidi and Travis's PASO DoUble competition piece on So You think You can dance.

I was on the bus watching TV mobile. I didnt want to get off! i vowed to one day learn that style too=)

Soon in, came september kenshu and i cheographed the Retro piece to the song greased lightning and man it was just SO FUN=)

*gimme more gimme more*

thus, when the opportunity came for me to choose to be in the dance team for spiko......

hehe. i jumped in right away! oh yea!

it exposed me to contemparary dance and i love it. I love the emotion you can evoke and the hidden messages portrayed with the right combination between the music, cheography and the emotion of the dancer.

it made me decide to really move it and sign up for ecnad. a contemparary dance school that i had been eyeing for quite awhile.

i love my lessons there=)

then STEPUP2: THE STrEEts! came!!!!!!

OMO!!!

it was smokin!!

loved every minute in the cinema i tell ya! i wanted to GETUp N dAnce!!!!!

gosh!!!!!

it was so so good!=) man can the moose guy and the leads dance!!

the final one in the rain??? oh my!!!! faints!!!

i wanted the songs in my MP3 right there and then.

cinemas should have an outlet for movie goers to buy songs of the movies and load them directly into their music players. yea. totally.

watched the video's of america's best dance crew on youtube also, and goodness some of them were in the movie! =)

Next up, i danced in a contemparary piece for the gala dinner right after spiko's actual day too=) loved it. loved the 2mins and 15secs of it all.
our final pose=)

I was kinda sad that it was all over

all i had was the classes at ecnad left.=)

then came ANOTHER opportunity!

a hiphop piece for the celebration dinner=)

gosh i had so much fun learning a new style!! through out it all, i had difficulty breaking out of the "ballerina-contemparary" mould. i was so used to it that i point my feet on instinct everytime i lift up my feet and have that floaty feel ....not very hiphoppy. hahax!

but then, i got alittle used to it though i still did not totally break the mould.

i TOTALLY ENJOYED THAT DAY'S PERFORMANCE.

i don't know how to describe it....but thing is, there wasn't much thinking of the dance steps when i danced. my body just seemed to flow with the music!! i could feel it in my veins!!gaahhh!! that's a first.

that feeling was just AMAZING.

completely...

it makes me wanna take up hiphop now too!!! oh no!!! where am i going to find the time??? BUT I WANT TO! I HAVE TO! hahax=P

wanna grab that class that teaches DongBangShinGi's "O.Jung.Ban.Hap." dance steps. OMO! HAWT!HAWT!HAWT!=DD too bad i couldnt go for Purple Line ivy ne-chyan!! TEACH ME SOON K???!

憶えてくださいね !!!　私の休み時　いしょに　ﾀﾞﾝｽｰを　しましょ！＝）

our group pic=)

sigh. wanna go on dancing=)

ballet?? hiphop? salsa?? anyone??

HAHAx!=P

International relations and its inspirations

2008-03-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

Mae's friend kohsuke came to Singapore recently and ohyea. we (mae, jing, liangyi n i) spent our days bringing him round the island.
Went sentosa *smiles* and came back a shade darker.
Went bugis, and the market near there and made him eat "weird" things.
Went Haji lane and shisha-ed and made funny videos.
Went to crazy elephant and drank with him, mae, jing and danny (another of mae's uni friends) and we "vadalized" on the table to leave our mark there.
And more.....

I really had a lot of fun getting to know this japanese friend who just delights in our little dot of a country.
Bringing him around made me realise that SIngapOre isn't that bad...it has it's beautiful side too.
I now love my country a little better than before.

Meeting him has also made me inspired to be brave and travel the world alone and make new friends. It has also made me more determined and inspired to perfect my "blah" japanese and reach greater heights and fly over there for a month or two to explore and study the laguage in a school there.

*ka-ching* needed. real bad. hahax!

if your cry for it instictively, it is the dearest isnt it?

2008-03-24T23:53:00.001+08:00

Dance....

i have come to love it.
i like the feel of the movements.
i like the way the beat moves within me.
i like the way emotions can be conveyed with the flick of a finger and tilt of a head.

when mom and dad came against my desire to learn it at ECNAD......
mom and i both drew the anger out of each other.....
i wouldn't listen
they wouldn't listen.

the tears flowed
on instinct.
the sense of loss was just so scarily painful.........
i cried like a freaking baby
only to realise that its because i cherish it so much. The most in fact.
I had to calm down and let them understand.
Calm down and fight for my chance, with a quiet strength and acceptance as never before.

We could not seem to talk face to face
I ended up having to thank technology for letting me use sms-es to convey my dreams and views about dance and ECNAD.

They finally agreed=)
I am waiting in anticipation for lesson to commence next Wednesday!!!!!!!

all i can say....
is thank you......................

a start of a new journey

2008-03-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

The success of the enshrinement ceremony and kick off meeting and cultural performance......

in a simple sentence........

it would never be possible without the mystic law.

to be at the final rehearsal and feel the happiness and anticipation in your bones that it is really thoroughly finally here....
to watch the entire performance magically unfold like clockwork on the actual day after a day of screw ups....
to have the strength to go on despite pain, sickness and other obstacles...
and even more mystically, strength that pulsates like never before at your weakest moment.....
to hear the many different little stories of triumph, little stories of how each one protected and served the law.....
to see the strength, determination, drive and fighting spirit of all......
too look back on the long journey at the marking of the start of a new one

touching, beautiful

completely indescribable.

at the end of it all.......
there was a feeling of loss.....
getting used to being free again.....
getting used to not seeing the rest of those performers regularly......

then comes the biggest question...

What's next??

What are you going to strive for?

can you find your true calling? your true mission?

and how do you inspire??

i m searching............

most of the time, we already know the perfect answer, but we run around in circles surveying the scene and thoughts of others,
but we will get there. we will find the feeling for it somehow.

The wall

2008-03-03T18:59:00.002+08:00

Unseen and invisible it grows
slowly but surely.
Like a virus it slowly
eats away the bond.

Virtually i can always reach out
yet i mock at the irony
that in reality
i can't.

It wasn't so some time before,
where wonderful camaraderie
was apparent.
And now i slowly feel
that i am losing my once safe haven.

A missed step, a ruined dance.
What beautiful turn must i use,
To rise gracefully from the fall
and save my dance in life?

I mock
I despair
I snort
at the wall.
I wish
I pray
That it will crumble and fall.

before it crushes me.

Tale of a shoe

2008-02-09T21:33:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time,

in year 2008, on the 3rd day of the lunar new year...

a girl was having lunch with her family at Toa Payoh Hub's KouFu.

She stood up to get desserts with her younger brother

She walked a few steps, "yakking" away with her brother, when she felt something lightly snap.....

she looked down at her right foot.

the front ribbon of her black heels had snapped open! JUst LIKE THAT!!

She literally dragged her feet back to the table.

Her MOM laughed like mad.

Her DAD laughed even louder.

She laughed histerically.

Mom: "WHy didnt you buy something that was sewn on?"

Dad: " We go NTUC buy slipper for you...."

Girl: "NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! SLipper and my CNY clothes???=O"

Dad: "Faster finish, we go find a shoe shop."

Bro: "I carry you down la. Fireman style. Hehe. Then pretend its an emergency, then too heavy, opps* u go over the railing....

Girl: "Nooooooooo! I WILL WALK. BAREFOOTED!

Mom: "U walk lor!" *chet*

starts eating dessert....

Mom: "aiyah, we go to the shop and find shoes for you ok?? i find my those aunty aunty kind one....hehehe...."

Girl: :"Noooooo!!! Wait Wait!!! ahhhh!!! i will come with you!!!"

Mom n Dad: "SIT DOWN."

Girl had no choice but to

Bro: "Don't worry, mom has good taste. Her taste better than you...."

Girl: "Thanks................. "

15 mins later........

Mom and Dad walks into KouFU, shopping bag in hand........

Dad sits down, opens bag and takes out a GORGEOUS PAIR OF HEELS!!!!!!!!!!

girl tries it on...

but it was tight....

one size too small..

Mom: "When did your feet grow bigger than mine????!"

Dad: "Let's bring it down to change, come lets go...."

Girl stood up and started dragging herself to the door, laughing like mad....giggling like crazy.

She made it to the door.......

Then the shoe slipped off.

Bro and Dad stood behind and laugh and tried to help.

Girl gave up and yanked of both shoes.

She walked barefoot in the crowded mall to the shoe shop

and she got her right size............

******************************************************************************

The shop ladies knew about the episode...

apparently, Dad said : " 我的小姐在楼上没有鞋穿。。。" (eng: my little missus is sitting upstairs with no shoes to wear)

GAHHH!!! Daddy called me Xiao JIe......

look on the bright side gal, cus it means he thinks you are his little princess even though you are all grown up=))

and apparently........

he told mom to get a better quality pair.....

He was also the one to choose the design...saying: this one this one, she like this kind one."

Mom actually went, "Black again, how about the brown??"

but he said " No la, black. She like those black colour type.."

*******gan dong******

so freaking touched=)

daddy actually notices my dress sense and preference!!!!!!!

I M SO IN LOVE WITH MY NEW HEELS!

It is my "glammest", "classiest" and highest yet=)

i m gOing to do my best to protect this pair like CRAZY=)

新年快乐！！

2008-02-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Its the lunar new year once again, meaning :

1. Sumptious FOOD!

Thankfully for the ladies in my house, the men (my dad and uncle) are GOOD COOKS and call the shots in the kitchen=) So all we "gals" got to do is probably help prepare the ingredients and clean up the house.

Quite a good deal considering that we do not have to stand infront of a stove for over 7 hours=P.

Just look at the men at work=)

opps.....forgot to rotate the picture=P

2. New year means NEW Clothes and shoes=)
I bought stuff way last minute this year. On the eve of new year's eve. Bugis was literally choking me with the amount of people in there. Thankfully my friend and I survived and managed to get 2 tops, a ring (gift from serene^^), 4 pairs of earrings and a new pair of black peep-toe heels at a real steal=) i just manage to get nice shop ladies yea=) Thanks serene for accompanying me!

3. ANg POWs!

*ka-ching!!**

nuff said.

4. Manicure!

Spent new year's eve afternoon doing my nails at home. I have to get some red in somewhere since most of my outfits aren't red.

a twist to the french manicure=)

5. Meeting family=)

Especially cousins that you have not seen in ages, to just catch up or watch how much they have grown.

Went to visit this grandaunt, who is my granny's younger sister. SHe looks like the YOUNGER and ROUNDER version of my gran when she was alive! GAHHH....it was like seeing gran again! her voice and actions were so SIMILAR!!!

ANd my baby cousin! One of them is an apparent budding genius....

look at how he attacks the piano with so much interest and gusto!

and believe it, this 2.5year old kid KNOWS AND COMPREHENDS HIS NUMBERS AND ALPHABETS AND CAN ABOVE ALL.....

WRITE IT! LEGIBLY!!! WITH A PENCIL using the PINCER GRASP!

what happened to the nOrmal palmar grasp u tell me??

and he is just SO adorable!

Looking at the last few days of chinese new year festivities on the whole,

well,

its the usual.....

gatherings,

eating,

feeling bored quite alot. Especially on the second day....even the TV programmes were "blah"....my baby cousin and 3 rounds of majong near midnight were the day's highlight i tell you....

and feeling restless and WISHING there was dance practice so i can work of the furstration of sitting still at home or someone's home and having to think about exams..........

ohhh....and feeling weird, since gran isnt around anymore, and the family unity on m dad's side kinda......

fragmanted??

or disintegrated?

yea.....didnt get to meet 3 of my cousins.....gahhh......

but,

at least there's my baby cousin=)

and my mom's side "ka-chungs" !

and singing in the car as our family zipped around in it all over singapore, from hougang, to tampines, to ang mo kio, to clementi, to woodlands, to yishun, to seletar................

HAPPY CNY!

even if it is the same old / new old routine..................

Field Supervision for Maths

2008-01-24T12:42:00.000+08:00

Gosh it was nerve wrecking!

After so much planning,

After so much time spent on making the materials,

After so much time spent typing lesson plans on the computer,

After so many late nights colouring away (with my darling bro's help=))

My math learning corner was set up with all activities.....

my matrix board

my logical pairs jigsaw

my match the picture story

my match my shadow activity

all ready to be used in my last and final lesson for this semester=)

which was implemented today, under the watchful eye of my centre's mentor...

it was smooth most of the time=)
and the children....

i wanna hug them real tight for being so well behaved^^

and my mentor said that my activities were quite good=)

the sense of satisfaction was just soooo overwhelming.....

i SKIPPED and did the typical japanese drama "yatta" (peace sign and jumping in the air) move....on the way to the bus stop=)

and i smiled like a blithering idiot....making some of the ah peks stare at me like i was a lunatic.

and.......

i learnt from the other girl who goes to my centre too but is from another class that....when she went for her attachment that day.....

the kids called her Ms SanSan=P

ahhhhh.....look at the young 'uns...

they are missing me already=P

heehee

i just love it when they all swarm around me and call my name when i arrive=)

its like having a horde of kids.....

minus the giving birth part=P

wakaka!

gosh...i m goNna miss them...

my karChung (cousin) is hOme=)

2008-01-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

oh yea!! my "karchung" (literally translated to backside-in this case means cousin cuz' it sounds alike)

is hOme !!=)

she's back from a semester in Uni over in US.

she'll be here for a month=)

and back she goes to one of my fave countries, australia=) for the rest of her Uni days=)

and she brought back nice sweet treats for us=))

GOOGOo( chocolate snack=))

and more=) yum!

the most interseting though is this......

it's the candy cane edition of the hershey's kisses!!!

gahhhh!!!!!!! it was nice=))

and this one even happened to have a cute little face on it ( by accident....it's just the red coloured mint bits)

welcome home "karchung"

**hugs**

there is a first time for everything

2008-01-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

this.....is a motorcycle.
this girl rode on one today for the 1st time in her life. thanks to her friend's (jing's )brother weiqi.

the cool wind that hits you on your journey while on it is just SUGOI
way better than the non aircon bus in the early morning speeding on the highway.
and it brings the entire view of the road into a whole new perspective.
verdict: shuang.

i mean.....yea. i did get the qualms of.....
-errr....there is no bOx (like the car) in which i am enclosed.
-it will balance right?

and...DUH...its my first time on it of course will get nervous la!

turned out okay as you can see.

but hey.....
there are alot of things where you just have to jump on board and take the ride and you realise that....
it isnt as bad as it seems
it isnt as scary as it seems

it can even turn out to be fun.

learning new things
and trying new things
makes the days more colourful
makes one feel accomplished.

like MOE's tagline: i can......IF YOU TEACH ME HOW
i can try and learn and do new things
if you teach me how

what should i try next???
ahhhh....HORSE BACK RIDING!! anyone knows the price??? hahax.
just don't tell me reverse bungee .......i will die from it. I AM NOT THAT COURAGEOUS!!!
ohhhh.....seeing F1 would be cool=)) hahahx!!! (grew up watching F1 on TV you know)

gahhh....like i have the time=/

i will one day though=)

***Cheers to learning and challenging your limits!***

if you had only 6 months to live

2008-01-13T13:58:00.000+08:00

最近、「電池が切れるまで」みました。
第４話のしゅへいー君は
has only 6 months to live.......

he is so YOUNG!!　でも、癌があるね。all those around him knows he is dying.....
he doesnt....
its so painful...
ほんとに痛いです。

then i asked myself....
what if i had only 6 months to live.....
what if my battery was running out just like the children in the show....
what will i do??

わからない。絶対解らない。
will i just give up?
or choose to inspire?
where do their courage come from??

am i afraid to live?
when these sick children are only afraid to die??

世界で、さびしいの人がたくさんだろう。
この悲しいの物がたりもたくさんね。

私も恐い。もしも気が狂ったならばどしよかなと思って。

friggin hell

2008-01-02T23:02:00.001+08:00

we are friggin same u friggin ass!
you, me and the family
she's friggin pissed therefore you are friggin pissed
and i am friggin pissed cus' you are friggin pissed

you think we don't friggin understand
and we think you don't friggin understand

you think she is friggin arrogant
i think you both are firggin arrogant
and now you think i my friggin arrogant

rub your eyes
open your friggin heart
and ask your friggin self
to friggin realise
that i am you and you are me

i am your friggin mirror
can't you see????

what a friggin good way to start the year..........

gahhhh...

Lessons learnt

2007-12-04T20:37:00.001+08:00

Society is a university in its own right.....
If you open your eyes and heart, one realises that there are a million things to learn.....
Some seem so insignificant that they dont seem like lessons.....but they are!

What i learnt today:
*Always read the fine print in any document.
* Never expect others to pity you, becuase theyhave their own problems too.....
* sometimes, you just have to do it......and do it with a smile, or you forfiet a happy experience. (mind over body)

FIghto- Oh!!!

with all the assignments......i just have to live through this week and life will be better, and i can live easy......
this week is packed.....
but..........忍一忍就会过去了。

笑一笑，没什么事情过不了。
--------------------------------------------------------------

with every failed move, stand up and try again, aiming for perfection.
face it with determination and readiness in the eyes, because the audience can tell.
dicipline is one of the keys..........................

that's dance.............

and that's life.......

过一天算一天

2007-11-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

好久没有用华文来写东西了。也许我忽略华文太久了吧？怎么感觉上打华文字变得很难，有些简简单单的字都记不起。搞什么嘛。。。这根本是辜负了从小学二年级开始教我华文的补习老师了啊。。。
但老师，至少我还是喜欢华文，还是觉得它是一个充满情感的优美语言。
不知为什么，总觉得有些情感用华文描绘出来总是比较动人，总是比较有意思。
想想看，一连串英文字往往能以华文的四个字表达出来。。。妙。

最近，学校功课一个接一个，感觉上好像是无法停息的海浪，一直往岸上冲。
我每个星期还要练舞两次。（但练舞是个非常快乐的时光，所以无所谓为啦！）

但累还是会的嘛。。。
只能过一天算一天。。。。

我一向来。。。。不太有时间观念。。。
所以。。。。在我应该练日文的时候，在我应该赶功课的时候。。。
惭愧的。。。我往往会被网路上的偶像剧给迷惑。

昨天刚看完微笑Pasta...虽然是去年早已播放的戏，但是还是非常喜欢！！
也让我觉得，嘿！张栋梁还蛮不错嘛！Cyndi 也让我觉得，嘿！你这样才对嘛！just the right amount of cuteness....

记得当时张栋梁刚出道的时候，我看着他的封面照，我心里想：这个摄影师真是够烂，怎么把他拍得黑眼圈那么明显？害这个新人看起来那么疲惫。他的歌声是委婉动听的，都是摄影师啦。。所以，我那个时候就并没有觉得他是一个好看的人，只是平平凡凡而已。
谁知到，他为了讲华语运动而来访我的中学，我看到他本人。。。。
才发现。。。。。他是好看的啊。。。
他穿得很casual, 头上带这个baseball cap, 但我记得。。一旦他笑了起来。。。
那个笑容是有足于力量来照亮全场的观众！

看了微笑pasta......我确实是成为他的粉丝了！因为。。。。他平凡，但久了。。he grows on you...
okay...or maybe its just me k??? HAHAX!
***i even joined his official portal as a member***
----〉但加入的一个重点是跟他说生日快乐啦。。。

i m inspired though......
最近有试着作词编曲。。。
但都是不是很见的人的啦。。。。

刚刚才从外婆口中得知，在外公年轻的时候，他的舞艺非凡，跳起Tango全场会目不转睛。
我家的艺术细胞是不是各代相传？我爸妈歌唱跳舞是还好，但他们并没有对艺术有像火一般在烧的热情。反而我和弟弟 love the arts......

maybe we were born for the stage and didnt know it.

***华文真的不容易 type ahhhh!!****

今晚就到此为止吧。

looking back

2007-11-13T20:31:00.000+08:00

i took abit of time while i suffered from writers block for lesson plans to read though all my past entries..................

its abit hair raising, reading about things that have happened in my life and remembering; that each entry is like a milestone.

i look back and realise its been 2 years since i said goodbye to XinMin.
Alot of my friends in JC are taking their As now and its already drawing to an end.

Once in awhile, it dawns on me that i can be part of them right now, antogonising over the big As.

It is not all the time that i feel this way, but i can't deny the fact that my going into early childhood was because i was

1.running away from JC, from stress which i know i probably would be able to manage if i wasnt that afraid to try.
2. Too afraid to choose something that i like, like design, dance, mass comm, fine art or theater. I could have gotten into most of the above said courses, but i felt that i was obliged to choose something that my father could accept as a suitable sustainable rice bowl filler for my future. ( if not how the hell will i be able to convince him to let me run away, no make it sprint away, from JC?)
3. Too afraid to die is science courses, like BioMed, which i totally started to have an inkling of regret when i had certain sudden aspirations to be a neuro surgeon/ oncologist/ paedeatrician.

I know my gal pals in JC would tell me to stop being crazy as i have been having a better academic life doing something useful and enjoyable.
I love the kids i work with. I really dont mind teaching them and spending time with them and caring for them. I really like children.

The problem lies in me having too many interests and things that i know i can be good at if i put my heart to it.

I mean look at me.........
I like the arts, singing, dancing, painting, litreture, theater, music, languages.......
i know i can do science if i want to.............(its the want or not issue here)
I sometimes think of being a lawyer, a dancer, a painter, an artiste, a Bussiness Exec, a therepist, a paediatrician, a dermatologist, an oncologist, a neurosurgeon, a nurse, a violinist, a CEO, a fashion designer, a make-up artisit, an interior decorater, a journalist, an author, a translator, a play therepist, a child life support staff in the hospital, a consuellor, setting up a art based preschool........................

besides being a good teacher..............or supervisor/principal etc.

i cant be all at the same time can i???

hahac.

someone once wrote a comment for me on my blog with regards to one of my first few but quite emo posts....

he / she said that it is the choices that we make that makes things what they are...

which one then is my calling????

only time will tell....................

Teaching Nervosia

2007-11-13T20:17:00.000+08:00

Teaching Nervorsia: Bout of nervousness that occurs before one starts teaching or when one is planning for a lesson. Symptoms may include feelings of inadequacy, staring at a lesson plan template on the computer for a very long time and not typing anything, lack of confidence and worrying.

If there ever were such a phrase/ medical terminology, that is my defination.

I feel so unprepared for teaching.
Will i tell a good story?
WHat will the field supervisor think?
What kind of lesson is suitable??
Will i finish my assignments in time?
WIll i write a good lesson plan?
WIll the kids listen to me?

i guess its all due to a slight phobia of things screwing up.

i still havent heard from my field supervisor.
i hope to soon!!
so that i know when to plan my lessons for and how much time i have.

wish me luck!

arts intoxication

2007-11-11T19:54:00.000+08:00

my life is so infused with the arts these days.....

we got a piano on deepavali and these days, i have been returning home to the sounds of real good music, quodos to my little brother who is attemping the 20page Moonlight Sonata (this guy doesnt even have a grade in music to speak of but man, can he play) and other random pieces like Secrets and all time favourites like Love Story, Fur Elise, Maraige DeAmour and more.
The feeling of coming home to such beautiful devine music just makes me feel so happy=)

Looking at my lil'bro's fingers fly over the piano keys sometimes makes me feel like such a talentless bum. hahax!

but that is not just it,

all along, my eyes grow bigger when i see people dance ( okay, granted. since my eyes are small, lets just say grow a teeny weeny bit wider okay?=)), like when i saw Paso doble and ballroom dances or other emotion evoking dances. I like the fire burning in the dancers eyes, the emotion pulsating in their every move.
and i want to dance when i hear a "dancable" track.=) ( but i will look crazy if i were or public transport so i resort to tapping my fingers/ feet or walking to the beat)

therefore i am SUPER ELATED that dance practices at Spiko has started=)
its grueling, tiring and man does my leg hurt.
However, it is also spell-binding and intriguing and teaches hell lot of perserverence.
i LOVE it with a capital L!
so much so i dont want practices to end even though i am bone tired....
i love the way how each dancer's movement flows together. There is just this beautiful fluid flow, like a transfer of something magical and i am beginning to feel it. =) I sure dont want it to stop.

i look foward to it so much that i wish i were in art school=P hahax.
( oh yea! run away from your course and dance everyday!)

18

2007-10-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

Announcement: I am 18!
(so stop thinking i am 20=P)

Yeap. My 18th birthday just passed in blur. A blur that made me feel loved by the people around me and appreciative of what they have done for me. They have made it a blast, according to my dictionary.

I got treated to dinner by Ivy on my birthday eve.

On the actual day, I went out to celebrate by having a lunch and a K-box session with Mae , JingYi and tedsi. Thanks peeps for making it memorable even though we met lousy service that day=) and...........you all were geniuses, you all got the secret recipe banana chocolate cake to stand upright when it was packed flat, and even managed to stick a birthday candle on it!!!!! and thanks for the gorgeous gift peeps=)

There after it was the weekly friday chanting at PC and there, i recieved wishes from numerous people, a special gift=), and a VERY VERY LOUD birthday song right at PC's doorstep that made me tomato red in the face( i think so laa, i can't see myself you know)....

oh, and not to forget the well wishes from my darling friends from secondary school who couldnt meet me, havnt seen me in ages and yet still remembered. Hugs to everyone out there=))

and then came the problem..............after friday chanting , it was a tad too late to get cake...........

but when i opened the door to my home, there was my sweet,adorable, crazy brother trying to bake one for me=))

thats how it looks like=)) cool eh??? i am being called a noob (aka idiot who duznt know *insert subject**) and given a cake that has the main ingredient: eggs, threfore making it a JiDanGao=PP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooo yeAh!

i told my bro to put the word "ass" next year. hahahax!

then came the next problem..................

no birthday candle.

we took a old unsued white candle, stuck it on a paper cupcake case and put it beside the cake=) genius!

=PpP

it isnt the most perfect of birthdays, with a noob labled ji dan gao and all, but man i like it!
and for more reasons than this............................

I crown my 18th the best birthday ever since my brain could decipher what the word birthday means=)

here's the gifts=))

i just realised the colour combi is nice. hahax!

Mom's birthday=)

2007-09-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Mom celebrated her 50th birthday today with a quick dinner of myojo chicken abalone instant noodles (due to a communication break down between my dad, maid and I, it was thought that they werent coming home for dinner you see...) and a i/c meeting=P well plus a chocolate truffle cake , chocolates and Eclairs^^

It was however, a very scaled down affair compared to the past, where my brother and I being the kids that we were decorated the whole house. I remember a time when we were still in lower primary, the both of us used crepe paper and made a colourful paper curtain just after the main door of our old flat in Ang Mo Kio. There was also a time, in upper primary, the year we shifted to our current home , where we folded numerous paper cranes and decorated the path outside her bedroom door using it and made out the words Happy Birthday. See, told you this year was so...scaled down. heh.

but she is happy all the same=)

but....................it just reminds me that hey, it HAS been almost 18 years since she and I met in this world, since she first cuddled me, and she is now half a century old. Had i lost her to cancer 3 years ago, i wonder what kind of life i would be leading today? It is beautiful isnt it? That life itself carves out so many stories of hope, courage, sacrifice and love?

Everyone has a story to tell.....if only there were enough people who learnt the true art of listening with their souls.

it also made me rather aware that there could have been another 5 year old running around, possibly making my brother and I buy rainbow coloured streamers and a cartoon cake for mom. What would this child look like? I sometimes wonder. Would he/she inherit the dark brown stright hair from mom just like my brother and I? Would our eyes be the same? Would he/she try to outshine his/her brother and sister by having thicker lips than me or a cheekier smile than my brother? Oh i do wonder....

Yet these things make me realise that in all these years, my mother has taught me more things than i know.
She has taught me courage in times of adversity and strength, the zeal to stand up and realise our mistakes and move on but never forgetting the lesson.
She has taught me to cherish life and each child, every heartbeat of it.

I may not be the most courageous, nor the nicest or kindest.
But i know for one thing that I will learn from and write my own story in life.

And i also want to learn of the stories of people all over........
Heart warming stories, that speak the truth of everyday life.

Happy Birthday Mom=)

Heidi ANd Travis Episode 16

2007-08-21T23:25:00.001+08:00

i remember the first time i watched someone dancing Paso doble( a MAcho latin dance with the guy as the bullfighter and they lady the cape)...and it was them....Heidi n Travis from so u think u can dance. It was on TV mobile and i was so MESMERISED that i took out my phone n typed down the dance style. Look at them people....it may just be a dance competition....and they may not be the best dancers in the world....BUT......look at they way they look at each other....the passion and fire that fly from each others eyes...simply and utterly amazing...

Been there, done that

2007-08-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

just look at it!! i have neglected my blog for.....................hmn....about a month i guess....
at the point of my last entry, i was at the begining of my second term back at school after the 2 week break which included a senior student kenshu...............

and now..........i have finished my first semester of my second year in poly!!! i ended my last exam paper today!! holidays officially start!
i don't even need to mention that time flies like a freaking shooting star on a bullet train right?
Let's take a look at what i have done since the last entry:

the school assignements:

CD2.1 playkit
FP 2.1 art lesson plans and evaluation
Taught 3 music and movement lessons too and evaluation.
DLE designing classroom for preschooler.
Academic Writing Grammer test.
Academic Writing mini thesis. topic: cosmetic surgery.
Math learning corner.
Math Lesson Plan and Overall eveluation.
DLE Acessing OUtDoor playground.
Self Awareness Management Group Activity on Courage.
Financial Management Group Assignment (planning a funfair)

the exams:

Child Development 2.1: Infant and Toddler.
DLE 2.1: Designing Learning Environments
Japanese Final Module Asessment
Finanacial Management Final Module Asessment

the shopping:

black velvet shoes.
bronze slipper
grey giodarno tank.
2 white tops from Little Match Girl
green tank.
and counting............

As well as.....

seen this:

and totally love it=)

(credits:http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/293103/1/.html)

watched:
-The devil wears prada and am totally in love with the clothes=P
- Attention Please (japanese drama series) and am crazy about it.
-世界の中心で、愛を叫ぶ。Crying Out Love at the Center of the Earth (jap drama) and its making me ponder about things.

Listened to:
-Chris Daughtry and i think he is really not bad a singer^^
-Rihanna's umbrella & shut up and drive and putting it on reply mode on my comp and MP3.=D
-OutKast's Hey Ya and think its kinda catchy and cute.
-Beyonce's Crazy in Love and not getting sick of it yet.
-Shakira's Hip's don't lie and dancing to it.
-Chirstina Aguilera's El Beso Del Final
---and so much more.........music is part of my life u know=P

Met up with my gal pal from Secondary School=) Serene=) and we called Joanne and said Happy Birthday to her over the phone (with the phone on speaker mode in the middle of a thai resataurant in Hougang Mall=P)

As well as planned and helped out in the food comm (like going 3 times to sheng shiong @ haig road?) for the Junior Student Kenshu 07 and attended it.=)

I also went swimming (when i was supposed to be studying) and a got a tad darker than before.

Daddy also went to Germany and back=) (he bought a flowery reddish porceline piggy bank for didi=P)

Ohh...and as a note. I found out that my parents are darn cute.=) cus when i arrived home today, the 2 of them (who for once have a chance to sit at home and slack) instead of watching what typical families watch, i.e. channel 8/5/U, they were watching........NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL and mom was so excited and anxious over the anaconda attacking the anteater and the two of them were arguing over whether the anaconda really got finish off the anteater or not.... =)) hahax!!! n i love them that way=P

and this is only a summary peeps. summary.

holidays are here! time to break a leg and do fun stuff and work! oh yea.

Recently......最近は。。。。。。

2007-07-08T01:30:00.001+08:00

Well, i must say that time really flies! I m already at the end of my second week back at school!

The first day back.....had to do a project presentation....luckily, it was story telling. However, the nightmare only started when i arrived home.....for i had to "chiong" out the project that I had to hand in on Tuesday......which is an A3 size poster about myself, with reflections on 3 things, like your significant/special moment in you life , and the works. I had to do laminating and had to head out to the mall to do it......thus, i only officially started making the poster at about 9pm. I managed to finish decorating at around 2am and was too tired to type out the refelctions and fell asleep briefly infront of the computer, before i eventually got up and went to bed. (aftermath of a sleep lacking holiday and kenshu=P) but hey.....i am totally proud of the finished product! i was so happy that before i handed it in...i couldnt help but take pictures! here they are!

きれいい　です　か。(pretty poster?)　haha! =PP jokin^^

Anyways...during lecture on tuesday....for my self awareness managment module....we had games and there was this fashion show thing and my group made me be the model aka mascot=P look at wad they did to me.......

I think i look like a Chun-Li [street fighter] wannabe..

or some japanese cosplayer / girl u see in those jap fashion impromto on the streets shots *laughs hysterically*

and i really had to post this [below] , even though it isnt a very good pic but still.....

what interesting earrings i have eh??? **laughs like mad**

anyways...after class that day was an exachange with japanese high school students in school before rushing back to hougang to give tuition and after that was another bout of "chionging" for another project (children's playkit) to be handed in on wednesday afternoon....and i had attachement on wednesday morning! Where i had to teach!!!! argghhhh!! i totally went almost to the point of hysteria.......

After wednesday.....things began to seem better..... I was TOTALLY looking foward to FRIDAY!! hahax.....but...i still had to go through another bout of "chionging"[not so bad this time though] for my field practicum individual assignment on Wednesday night since it was due 8am the next morning.......

Thur, had to wake up VERY early since lesson starts at 8am........by then..........

i really felt burnt out and zombie-fied...........and thursdays are my longest days......cus i have jap class in school till 8pm......

i was physically becoming "panda-fied" too.....

but once jap class was over, a huge stone seem to have rolled away=) i could breathe better^^ and Friday was totally a relaxing day compared to the entire week...which i can only say "HOORAY!!"

SAturday came, and I spent my afternoon out with ivy and went Kinokuniya in Takashimaya=)) to finally purchase a Japanese Grammer book and also the japanese version of the book for the show One Litre of Tears [despite the fact that i cant comprehend past the first line, it will serve as my source of motivation to speed up my jap learnig!]...all these just before S'pore hikes her GST to 7% on July 1st the next day=P......then i parted ways with Ivy and went to the airport to have dinner with my parents and bro n see my dad off for he was going to Germany for a week=) Man.....i love the airport!=D

Sunday was Kosenrufu chanting and i had choir after that.....then.....i went orchard...AGAIN!! this time to study jap with mae...orchard library has good atmosphere btw.....then later....the 2 of us met up with the grp of peeps who went to watch transfomer [ huiqi, huishan, yikai, weichuan and hongming] and had dinner at yoshinoya-cineleisure, before heading for a cup of coffee at TCC.......huiqi n huishan left early though before coffee..=) after coffee.....they all walked back to Dhoby Gaut stn with me=PP arigatou ne minna san!!ありがとう　ね　みんなさん！[thanks all of ya^^] i took an espresso shot cus i knew i had to keep awake once i got home...cus i promised myself that i had to edit stuff for my project=P apparently.....caffine no longer works its magic cus i am too tired.....managed to zzz afterall......

The moment i woke up the next day....it was yet another busy day at school.....with assignment up due on Tuesday...it was yet another chionging night...hahax!

i kept telling myself though.....after tuesday...things will be better.....=D

and it was.....

counting that i had a slacky tuesday afternoon cus i cut afternoon class as well as a slacky wednesday afternoon....both filled with pig-out session and movies[watched the devil wears prada and i love it^^ plus the clothes=P] as well as enjoyable japanese class homework...thur was the usual with jap class till 8pm......

and viola! it was friday again!!!!

wee~~!!!!!

then saturday!!!!...........filled with tuition giving and PC activitites=D

then sunday!!! and papa will be home !!! in the evening.....meaning...dinner at the airport!!!! weee!!!!!!!!!!!!

told you time flies^^

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

Hyperventilating!

2007-06-17T21:18:00.000+08:00

I am so dead.

With a ton of projects weighing down on me......its no wonder i feel like i am gonna hyperventilate soon.

Geeze, its almost like i am working or something!!!

okayokay......maybe not to that extent.......

but.....it is ALOT of work.............

WHY DO THE DEADLINES HAVE TO BE ONE AFTER THE OTHER ON THE SAME WEEK?????

some holiday........

*sigh*

but...

*shit*

I am partly at fault too arent i???? me and my BAD HORRIBLE HABIT OF PROCRASTINATING!!!!

seesh.....

and not knowing how to say "no" at times...

sometimes i think i am totally crazy. I mean.......Do i think i am some bionic woman or something???? arghhh!!!!

forgive me.

told ya i am nuts.

anyways....i am glad that up till this point, i am able to at least stike one assignment off my list of about erm......10-15? hahax

SEE! i dont even remember how many i have.

i am a gonner.

okays......one down and more to go...

its gonna be a tough fight for the next few days.

**hmn....i better take breathing classes or something.....**

lets move on to nicer stuff shall we??

i went to the park near my house in the evening for a real good run today amidst the trobbing bass of my music....i wonder if i blasted it a little too loudly...*hee*

I HAVENT RAN IN AGES !!!!

and it feels so wonderful..... i think i did about roughly 5km? yea. just dont ask me how long it took! and i walked some so yea. go figure. HAHAX!=P

Come on....I HAVENT RAN FOR A LOOOOONNNNGGGG TIME !

but hey, i totally enjoyed it=))

it was fun, especially when i ran really quickly and could feel the wind in my face and my limbs seemingly to get lighter and lighter. hahax. it wasnt sustainable for long periods though.

it was a beautiful break from all the work and stuff that i have been thinking about. =D i feel like my lungs finally got a good old fill of oxygen. hehe.

someone confided to me today and...............

it touched my heart. Really.

i always am when someone does. but it was exceptionally so today.

and i wanna say...thanks=) and jiayou!!

*smile*

Daddy's birthday=)

2007-06-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

Its papa's birthday today=)

unlike last year where i had the time to stay home and whip up an intricate meal for papa (we had jap food last year^^)

this year.....it was all done in 2hrs...with help from my maid^^ after i got home from my project.

the chicken=) all nicely decorated=P

another plate of chicken. This one...the sauce is really last minute anyhow "pong" (didi's word, not mine) one. luckily....it turned out nice according to mom=) so yea^^

these are potatoes=) went through a hell load of disaster with this one owing to the fact that i have never made this and my maid forgot she had to put flour=P finally had a batch that was okay though=D *grins*

owing to the previous disaster....this dish appeared...cus...there was lots of potato that was not good enough for the previous dish. hahax. so i cracked an egg and mixed it with the potatoes and viola. Meet the fried potato egg dish. LOL.

this is the view from the top=)

and...this is the birthday noodles =) granma always says that we have to eat noodles on birthdays and yea i didnt want papa missing out on his so i made a last minute one, jap style=P cus they are cold soba noodles with miso, seseme oil and light soy sauce=P

papa was super tired from work though. ON his Birthday! poor daddy=) glad that there was a nice meal waiting for daddy when he got home=)

oh! and didi flew out to get cake last minute for papa cus ma couldnt get it in time and dad was too tired to go get his own cake.

So didi did=) and that's one big HUG for my little bro=D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY^^

The Tapestry

2007-06-11T20:23:00.000+08:00

As the sands of time shift hither and tither,
Each moment a life somewhere withers.

For them some cry alittle,
Others pain for long
Lost at the crossroads
Fearing that both choices are wrong.

Yet every moment
A thread each person adds
To a piece of cloth that will record
the colours of their life.

Some are big
for the years spent weaving was long.
Others are smaller
but yet beautiful as well.

Some are vibrant,
Others tainted with black and grey.
But each one connects with another
to create a beautiful tapestry of Life to display.

Weave your story
and even if others stop short of yours
Remember them, cherish them
and treasure your chance that you can weave for longer.

Treasure them, cherish them
And always know.......

that as the sands of time shift hither and tither
while the many lives wither
there are new ones that start weaving
and take a place of their own
in the tapestry of Life.

-SanSan-

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

what i want to paint....

2007-06-04T23:03:00.001+08:00

Recently finished reading the unabridged version of King Arthur and the knights of the round table......

and i am enamoured by the beautiful stories of love and courage of SirTristram and Lady Iseult, Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere and the one that i love most of all......................

was SirGeriant and Lady Enid..................

if ever i have the chance............i would love to paint my own version of a SirGeriant&LadyEnid potrait........

what wouldn't i give???

reading all these made me go into quite an "emo" mood and...

I, chancing on the left over paint used to prepare for my lesson at the childcare tomorrow,

painted this.....

at the back of the leftover drawing block cardboard.......and actually...i was using it in place of newspaper for other drawings( explains the red eyes and the random looking squarish things near the center)

hahhax

i guess this has to satisfy the artistic desires in me for now

hahax=P

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

recent staples in my survival kit

2007-06-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

without a doubt my fave cook is my papa......i mean...just look at this.....its simple fare....but its da bomb! the taste to me is exquisite=) however, here are some of the things that are in my survival kit for any old busy week or when i dont want to rush with people during the lunch rush hour........ onigiri ( this pic was taken off the web=P )

vitasoy soy milk^^

gilico's collon=P

-------> they have green tea! dang..havent seen it in S'pore i wanna try it when i get the chance=P

tamago(egg) sushi other sushis=) had this one in the school Library=P heh. opps* i couldnt help but think of how Nodame goes "tamago tamago" in the show Nodame Cantabile

ohhhh yea...and i can't help but add this........

recently got alittle addicted to peanut butter....................

imagine the joy when i saw this on the dinning table=P thanks to my uncle^^

its kinda dark i know....but LOOK!!! it's LARGER than a LOAF OF BREAD!!!

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

looking back

2007-06-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

now that i look back.......

i could have died that day..........

it was the day before the day i watched the phantom of the opera.......
i was crossing the zebra crossing near my house........and spied from the corner of my eye that a car was coming...but.....it was too far away....so i instinctively stepped foward........

i looked left............

in a matter of seconds.....i saw a taxi screech to a halt with my very eyes.........

just inches away from my left leg.....

any nearer.....i could have been hit......

and obviously.....for it to come so fast...it most probably was speeding.......
therefore, if you do the equation, that would mean a darn huge impact that would wound me seriously................

which in turn equates to....................no going home.....no phantom of the opera......... and most importantly...........no seeing gohonzon again.......

at that moment...i felt so protected by the gohonzon............

i mean................my friends could have been at my wake instead of watching the phantom of the opera with me the next day or doing their own stuff at home......................

okok...i know this is albiet an extreamist kind of view.....

but hey..........it could have happened...right???

my legs wobbled alittle as i walked home....and my heart thudded like crazy..........

when i finally arrived home and knelt down to sansho infront of the gohonzon...........

i my heart..........i was like........"yokatta ne"

thus..................i feel that i am still here today...because there is something i must do..........
a mission i must accomplish..................

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

officially a tutor

2007-05-29T22:59:00.001+08:00

i m now officially a tutor=)
wee!
am tutoring this little primary one girl
and well...its ok.

i hope i can be a good teacher to her and that she improves.............

gosh.....teaching...is a huge responsiblity.
and i really want to do a good job!

fightin!

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

My first time teaching.....

2007-05-23T13:18:00.000+08:00

Today......was my first time teaching...

theory always seems so easy....

but truth to be told...it sure isnt...

i had to implement an art lesson today. The lesson was about tyre printing with paint and paper, you know, where one uses the wheels of toy cars , dips its wheels into paint and roll it on paper? yea...like that.

sounds simple???

oh no....hahax
teaching is never easy i guess=P
for one thing, the kids were too interested with what was in my bag of cars compared to the song that i was singing as a tuning-in activity for them to pull their attention to the task at hand.

also, while they rolled the cars on the paper, they actually worked up stored energy (for the car was a wind up toy) in the toy car and, when they lifted it off the paper, the wheel spun on its own in a frenzy, sending sprays of paint flying in all directions. Thankfully, the sprays were small ones though the children got them in their hair and on their faces. Lucky they wore their art aprons. whew!

at first, they did not seem very used to the idea of paint all over them, and kinda "sa jiao-ed" for someone to clean them up the first time the paints flew, however, i made it seem like it was nothing and soon they were enjoying the exprience, squealing in joy when the paint got on them. they enjoyed it and so did i, though i never really got to close my lesson properly( gotta work on classroom management...die....). Indulge in the mess! hahax...that makes it all fun.=)

will jiayou for the next one...........

very soon, i will have to be observed by my feild mentor for my teaching skills and all...................

***bites nails***

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

野田めぐみ　と　チ秋さま＝）のだめカンタビェ　おもしろいい　です！

2007-05-20T21:37:00.000+08:00

最近、私　日本のドラマ：のだめカンタビェ　は　見ました。

このドラマは　すごいいですね！野田めぐみとチ秋さまから霊感をえります。今、私　音楽のべんきょ時　ほんとに期待して！

写真お見せてくださいよ！

今　私　My Boss My Hero (日本のドラマ）見ますよ！これもおもしろいですね！

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

Update=) Mother's Day=)

2007-05-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

Mother's Day last sunday was just like the usual, but yet it was still special=) though we celebrated on a Saturday=)

I got granny her carnations ( it's her favourite flower) and and for mommy....i got her a purple rose=)

I really love the exquisite elegance that most flowers exlude, especially roses.

here are the pictures i took=) the blue roses are from DiDi...and they are gorgeous too!

Nice? Nice?? hee=)

why did i say that it was still special even though it was celebrated with homecooked food by our chef( my dear daddy=D).......coupled with a gift of simple flowers and hugs and kisses??

well, because.........i can feel that i genuinely love my mother more than ever......

i feel that our family's bond has grown so much closer after mummy's cancer.....we have learnt that life....is short.....

and we are all trying to better or practice and faith in gohonzon...together.....

and.......we are much much closer than before....now a days......i can talk to daddy...without going into this great big fight most of the time....in the past.....this used to be as rare as a blue moon......

and......i hug mommy more now....as well as daddy=)

and i love my granny too.....even if i can get mad at her sometimes......she is still a grand old dame=)

i love u mommy=) i love u too papa=) and i love u also grandma^^

hugs**

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

The Phantom of the Opera

2007-05-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

i wanted to update my blog AGES (ok, 1.5weeks) ago........but due to some technical fault with Singtel and Blogger.........i could'nt!!!

then, i saw the singtel truck turning at the cross junction when i was walking home from the busstop and i figured...."hey, maybe they fixed it?"

and lo and behold...when i logged in....yikai left a message in my tagboard that said something like....blogger should be working now.....

and....OHYEA=P it is! wooo! i can click on "new post" without having to see an error message=)

It had to break down on me right at the time where i had the mood.......seesh

anyway....now that i can get in here.....

i want to talk about THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!

i finally went to watch it on the 8th of May 2007 with Alice and YiKai.

it was fantabulous, marvelous + all the nice adjectives one can ever say i suppose...

it was beautiful.........their singing was heart-stopping.....just so darn good....i watched the movie a great many times and ended up singing along in my head thoughout the show=P.

and.......through their voices.....i could sense their feelings and pain....especially the phantom when he called out to christine while writhing from the pain of unrequited love.......my heart really did ache for the poor poor phantom.........

the set was totally gorgeous and changed so fast!! beautiful mechanics at work yea? i mean....you get a real chandelier that rises to the middle of the theaterette....a rehersal studio on the stage......a foggy misty river....an underground vault....a ballroom......all just on that little stage infront of us....changing so quickly like it was magic!

i really LOVED the part where the phantom and christine were in a boat crossing a misty river....the fog was thick....billowy and just so.............................mysterious and out of this world......and the boat REALLY looked like it was gliding across water!!!! HoW DID THEY DO THAT?????? the mist was so thick that it covered the orchestra=PP the poor conductor (a girl btw.)....i wondered how could she see.....

i saw one of my all time favourite musicals come alive before my very eyes........

and.............i was inside the ESPLANADE =) watching a ticketed show in a traditional horse-shoe

shaped theater for the first time in my life!!! the interiors are GORGEOUS!

i think i will die happy......***hahahx.....yea right.....who ever really knows?***

so lets change that to....-i will die a little happier than what i was supposed to feel at that moment in time=PPPPP

here is a picture of us during the intermission......

i really think i look like a "bird" in this picture..........hahax. darn the fringe...LOL!!!!!!

and here is a picture that i took of my ticket=) together with my rose pendent( a gift from grandma) and my black ribbon and brown fur bracelet.=))

oh yea=) and when i reached home after the show=) i cam-whore-ed just a little=))

the memory of it all will stay etched in my heart always

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

DBSG_Star King 4/7 [ENG SUB]

2007-05-01T13:26:00.001+08:00

this is the variety show that i talked about in my previous post! where the miniature DBSK and DBSK appeared together=)) it is SOOOO CUTE!!! watch people watch! the kids are SOOOOO adorable!!!! (will post my fave part of this segment later-the Xiah and his mini part) wee!

phone resuscitation in process........

2007-05-01T12:41:00.000+08:00

darn......
first, my phone couldnt allow me to hear what the other party is saying at times for almost 1/2 a year.......

and now...................................................................
i think the connection between the screen and the main "brain" of the phone has been terminated.....rahhhhhhhhz....boo!!!!!........

my phone's "central nervous system" has broken down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
darn....
its just so weird......because, at first.....the keypad was unable to type anything on the screen.....then......the screen blacked out.........
later, upon reaching home, my lil'bro checked it....and realised that you can make calls with it still!!!!!!!!!!
just that the screen is blacked out....................................................................

i am thinking of going down to the service center right NOW!!!! and asking them to quote me the price of servicing my phone.....if it is toooo "boh hua"...................
i will just heck and "open my eyes big big"(yea right...how big can they get???heh.) and plead for papa's and mama's help in getting a new one...................................

in the mean time.....................
i got to stick to dad&mine&didi's old phone (the phone was passed down in that order)...........
a sony erricson t610..........
it's WAYYYY better than a black screen anyways..................
***hugs to the good old T610*** =D

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

mini pic spam=)

2007-04-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

forgive me.........................

but i can't help putting up the pics!!!!!

CHANGMIN:

arghhhh!!! he is gorgeous.......(yes!!!)

i doenoe...his features always reminds me of a sculpture=)

and this is FUNNY! =)

and i just love how studious ChangMin looks in this pic.....

btw...this guy has good brains....oh yea he does.....pretty darn good i tell ya.....

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

Jump for JOY=)

2007-04-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

hahax
i m soooo happy!!!
cus...

YAY!!! I BOUGHT TICKETS TO WATCH THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!
even though it is CAT C and costs a bomb......( a bomb that weighs S$97. hehe)
i don't mind!!!! seriously!! because it is worth it=)
i am for the first time in my life, not pained by an exhorbitant purchase....
even though i am kinda broke because of it,

i can say that i am HAPPILY BROKE!!!

hahax^^
i m going to watch it on the 8th of May with Alice and YiKai.
woohoo!! so excited=) can't wait to meet the story in real time=)

had student activity at PC today=))
gosh...i am so glad it all went well=) and that people participated^^
3kisses for all those who came!!!
and i hope you all learnt something and had fun=)
i am happy, really happy to be able to contribute^^

i have been watching DBSK videos again=))
and..............i watched the STAR KING videos...........and.................
arghhh!!!!!!!!!the MINI DBSK was so cute....those little kids look alot like the real ones!!!
and kids say the darnest but CUTEST things=D
and i LOVE the part where Changmin and YunHo carried their mini-versions when Micky had to do catwalk with his mini-version=)))
and the CUTEST??? when XIAH JUNSU and his 6yearold version looked at the screen with Xiah's trademake "2fists by the cheek" smile....and upon finishing...KISSED each other=)!!!!!

it was just SOOOOOOOOOO SWEET AND CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!*faints*

guess what?
5 cute Kids and 5 handsome and cute guys= best show ever!!!!

hahahax^^

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

the wind............

2007-04-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

As i sat on the non air-conditioned 74 i realised with a little smile that i really enjoy rides on non air con buses when:

-it isnt scorching outside
-i am next to the window
-the window is thrown WIDE OPEN=)

i just love it when the wind just blows in. it feels so soft, nice and relaxing. It carasses your face and i like the way it feels. It makes me feel especially refreshed when i am on the morning bus and the cool wet wind hits my face and i breathe in the fresh dewy morning air as the bus speeds along the road.
i don't care if my hair is all messed up and i get off the bus with my hair in a slightly ruffled mess......
cus i love the wind in my face!

JuBilaTion

2007-04-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

hahax
this mad girl stayed up till 1.30am just to cram japanese into her small brain
because she had a placement test today............and she thought she wouldnot make it.........
she got kancheong panic attacks from tuesday to friday.........................

and guess what????????

I PASSED!!!!
officially in basic japanese 102=) yay......small advancement....

test was uber basic.............(smiles.yay!).............

but..........................
i passed!!!!!
i really thought i wouldnt make it..........

**floating on cloud nine**

somebody get me a safety harness before i fall=/

hahax=P

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

School's back!!! with all it warth........

2007-04-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

oh yeA
in a blink of an eye, i am already towards the end of my first week back at NgeeAnn as an ECH yaer2 student.....

i must say that.....it is rather overwhelming....all the new modules......
lets just say that it is going to be a CHALLANGING semester???
i mean.....from this semester on......I HAVE TO TEACH!!!! how cool is that??? but, I M NERVOUS all the same........
oh.....and did i meantion that we have to write mini thesises for quite a number of modules???? and that there is a module called Academic Writing( expository etc. you know........oh and grammer??? and reserch??? citations??? referencing?????) but i do know that having knowledege of Academic writing is GOOD! i bet it's going to save a little of my ass if i go to the University in future...so, oh yeA....RAPT attention is a definite must.

anyways, i went for my first Basic Japanese lesson in Ngee Ann on monday.
they werent kidding when they said basic........
so instead of learning things i have already learnt, i talked to my sensei. and SO.......i am going to have a placement test for my japanese tomorrow to see if i can move on to a higher level!!!!!!
i am so nervous, since yesterday actually.......
i really really really hope i can do well!!!!!

oh, and today, my entire D class missed financial management lecture because we thought there wasnt any class due to a miscommunication......the poor lecturer waited in an empty classroom....haish.......so we all ended up gallavanting around the west side of singapore( for my friends and i, it was jurong point and a pig out session at the SUBWAY there^^) or going home. And....my friend and i spent most of our time in TOYS'R US!!!!! haha....we arent in the early childhood field for nothing you know.....hehe......gosh....it was FUN!!!!! haha....like the time that i went with Jess^^.....
oh.......and i played Daytona USA at the arcade with my friends at Jurong Point today, for the first time in my ENTIRE life!!!! I got 3rd place!!.....My gal friends and i totally hogged the whole row of Daytona machines.......well, for one thing....we scream ALOT while driving...hehe. Well, we are girls...hee.....
by the way....ITS ADDICTIVE!!! i think if they let me play one more round, i will never have stepped out of the game arcade.....hahax.....
do i sound like i have no childhood????????=PpP

well, another piece of good news=)))
XM CHORALE got GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so happy for them^^ i thought they couldnt make it at first........YAY!!!!

just had good talk about my current life condition -esp. of arrogance with mommy.............
i want to stop......i want to have the strength to stop being such a snob who sticks up her nose, who thinks she is better than others, who thinks her way of doing things is better, who uses the word "I" alot, who is self centered, who chooses who to be compassionate to................................

"self retorspect....................
realise the cause laid for it all.......
feel for the person you hate, you despise........
chant for that person, and identify their life condition with yours............................and reflect.....knowing that you are arrogant and not doing anything about it makes the arrogance in you double.................channel it towards kosenrufu...........instead of wanting to be ahead of others, or belittle others, fiercely want others to chant infront of the Gohonzon..........chant your daimoku and self-retrospect......................arrogance triggers cancer....cancer cells are fierce, strong and surpresses all other organisms with their might, just like the life condition of arrogance....remember that mother and daughter share the same karma, a deep karmic bond.........you continue, you may end up worse than i am...................you are fortunate, you start young.........................."

thats what mommy said to me after all my overload of "I....." sentences on her..................about difficulties and stuff...............................................

thank you mommy...................................veryveryvery much......................ずっと感謝する。

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

last day before a new semester begins....................

2007-04-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

haha.
just got back home like maybe 2hrs ago???
lets just say i made good use of the last day i had before school starts.

Had Oko in the morning....
followed by a session of choir at PC....
then Mae, Jia Quan and I headed to Tampines Mall for MOVIE!!!!
woohoo!
had lunch at the foodcourt there....
we all had korean food...the kimchi was darn good compared to other places...SERIOUS!!
then we headed to the cinema...watched 200pound Beauty......a korean movie..

IT WAS SO TOUCHING!!!!!!!!!! so nice!!!! i cried quite abit though.....could feel the tears running down my cheeks and onto my neck.......

GO WATCH IT PEOPLE!!!!

then JiaQuan and I headed to VivoCity....for another makan session!!! with YiKai, WeiChuan, Kang Wei and Hong Ming..........at HK Kim Gary Cafe......
JiaQuan and I were very late though.....the rest waited for us for soooo looong....sOrryy!!!
haish.......
gosh...i think PC people have alot of yuan with this reataurant or something....the 3 times i went Vivo for a makan session, it was all with PC ppl and all at the HK Cafe....LOL
but the food was good all them same=) and the company was fun too^^ the guys were stuffed though....they had the signature cheese baked rice dishes......i just took noodles....or else it would mean that i have been stuffing my face for 2 days!!

after footing the bill, the bunch of us went up to this rooftop place with lotsa water around at the top of vivo....it was beautiful....i havent been to that part of vivo before, and i must say that it is quite nice...relaxing even.....if you peer properly, you can see that there are stars staring back at you in the vast night sky.......if you hear properly, you can hear the light swoshing of the waves.......we then sat (some lay) on the grass up there and sang a little and crapped a little before i really had to go.....
we headed back towards the mrt.....
and then we passed by CandyEmpire......

some were full and yet had the capacity to buy chocs......
well, being able to eat is a good thing^^
hahax....but....aiya......who says no to chocs seriously????
lucky i have them at home....wakaka^^ thanks KaiPa and thanks didi! for restocking the house's supply recently....hehe
Still can't get over the ROYCE Nama Chocolate (Japan) though.....
didn't manage to find it at CandyEmpire...dang=/
takashimaya should have i guess^^ **drools**

right now, i am dreaming of a ticket to the Phantom of the Opera!!!!!
**swoons** i so want to see it!!! it is such a BEAUTIFUL show.......and such WOW beyond words music!!! [money saving time=PP] hahaha...
andrew lyodd webber is a genius. Period.

schools starting!!!
nervous...excited....arghhh!!!!! well....fighting!!!

be strict with yourself girl!!! jiayou! ganbarimasu yo! fightin!!

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

tired but happy^^

2007-04-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

just got back from the reunion with my friends from secondary school=)

and i am so HAPPY!!!!

i met so many people that i havent seen in ages!!
other than Sarah, Joanne, HuiJeen.................

there was: JiaYong, YongJun, WeiYing,Jon Lee, Wen Qin, Joyce, Sharon, HuiMin, Charlene (she's teaching in XMS now!!!o.O!), Eric, Wan Ling,

and seriously.................a gazzilion other people that i saw.....
not counting the teachers....
woAAaa

after the HOMECAOMING DAY at XMS wrapped up after a slight bout of rain, the bunch of ex4e4 and/or 2E4 went of for a makan session at Fish & CO.^^ the one next to park mall.
we joked the entire evening away.=))

our table was extreamly long owing to the fact that we had 16people!! o.O haha.
but, the "feng shui" of the table was kinda good i guess....haha....cus the TV was at the Top of our table, so one side culd just look up and oogle at the screen ( soccer was on, repeat match though.....but it still kept the guys eyes on it alot....haha)
but it was quite a cute sights to see like the whole row looking up at the screen...hahax!

caught up alot with sarah, huijeen and joanne today.....
hehe...learnt about the gossips in their respective schools.....
and.........some of the people being gossiped about were those i knew from my first 3 month JC period!!!!!! gosh!!!!!!!!! i can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahah!!!!!!!

and.........gosh.....my friends all became sportsmen liao la.....0.O
even Sarah is in NY Soccer!!! cool^^

and....yea....Joanne is in Cricket.=))

cool man.

and me?????
ahahahahax
ehhhhhhhhz........................いま、私本とにわからないですね。
maybe someday ba=PPP

hahax

and today i made a couple of "new" friends
i mean, for example, although i knew yong jun and wei ying........
well we all never really got to talk much in school(xms),
but yea, it was fun getting to know them=)
nice people all of them^^

i am totally stuffed after the oversized serving of Fish&Chips from Fish&CO.
will puke at the sight of food right now.......
luckily, it was my first real meal of the day......as in i had breakfast and all...but it was all tiny.....
so the GIANORMOUS portion from dinner balances out
haha......
but the people near me at the table were like.......
"woAA!!! u crossed the finish line!!!" when i finished the last bit of food.....

but i had to admit i was REALLY THE SLOWEST IN THE ENTIRE TABLE (not counting the latecomers....)o.O

hehe.

well, i really look foward to these kind of stuff in the future^^
ohyeaAA......=))

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

Excited!!!!!!

2007-04-14T12:05:00.000+08:00

Woot~!!!

In about 1-2hrs............
i am going to meet my good old gal frens from XinMin^^
Namely Joanne, Sarah and HuiJeen=D
as well as others if possible^^, cus it's XinMin's Homecoming Day today=)
i missed last year's one owing to the fact that i was away in Japan for Tozan^^

gosh...........................
i mean.....when was the last time the four of us got together????????!!!!
and i havent seen Sarah in..............AGES!!!!!!
i miss you Sarah!!

i mean...i just met joanne and huijeen 1-2weeks ago.....
but.....Sarah!!!!! arghhhh!!!!!!!

Can't wait!!!=D

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

Schools STARTING!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

i know i sound like a nutcase to most people by saying this....

but....

I M SO EXCITED THAT SCHOOL IS STARTING!!!!!!!!!
because i am sick of "nua-ing" at home aimlessly......

i know i wanted to do alot alot of things...but...seriously......

i am quite a procrastinator( wonder if i spelt it right...??? dang....after all these years i still can't get it.....boo)

anyways......back to the topic....
yea...a new semester marks a new beginning....the first day of term is going to be exciting for me because i am going for my first ever japanese lesson in NgeeAnn!!! woot~~!! i am going to meet my new せんせい（先生）[teacher]. YAY!!
先生、はじめまして。よるしくおねがいします！それから、私は一歩一歩がんばりますね！(sensei, hajimemashite, yorushiku onegaishimasu! sorekara, watashi wa ippo ippo ganbarimasu ne!) [teacher, this is the first time i am meeting you, 请多多指教！From now on, with every step on the way, i will do my very best to learn]

do i sound mad????

haha.

anyways....i want to start being very very serious about what i do....have fun but be serious at the same time ***ahem.....can someone explain what this crazy girl means??? she contradicts herself=PP****

as in...hmn.....how do i explain it......
i have to admait that i haven't been diligent in my practice......
during the Student Advance..........i learnt alot......it was painful at quite a few times( almost like being slapped in the face)....but i learnt and i am grateful for that.
but one thing was about strictness being the new IN thing.
i have to be strict with myself with regards to my practice.....
only will the rest fall in place..............
sometime.....i really really want to....yet......sometimes.....it becomes too habitual...till there is no feeling at all.........
i want to climb out from the pit that i have fallen in to.........
*hear me....help me...............*

Sometimes, i just want to pack up and leave.......
Go somewhere where people don't know me....
Fly somewhere where everything is a new experience...
Reside somewhere new and learn of new people..........
seriously!! i get this sudden urges to book myself on a plane and fly......
luckily i am a broke girl......
and i know that flying off like that is quite irresponsible at times isnt it????
urghhhh!!!!!

but sometimes.......it feels like i am running away..........from something and i don't know what.......
( someone just stand up and say "this gal is problematic"seesh....)

there are so many dreams and goals that i want to achieve.....
i keep asking myself though.....are you even up to it......

ha.

but i cant just wallow in self doubt.....and wait for things to materialise....
i must fight...for what i want, what i dream...........
and pray for the understanding of those beside me................................................

it's just that......................
it really hurts when you feel that people don't believe you can make it........

i think i scared my lil'bro that day after student advance when we got home..........we had a nice long chat but i broke down.....................it was then that both my bro and i realised how much pain can be trapped within...........
pain of which some i dont even know the source......
am i going mad?? haha.....
i am not having depression am i?????!!!=/
it felt good to cry though.......
and i learnt that i have a great lil'bro...really.....he is going to grow up to be a good person....

i know this may sound alittle bonkers......
but, i sometimes just want to have a real good crying jag in the protective embrace of someone else and let loose and bawl.....hah.....havent done that yet though........................
not in a very extreamly long time.........................
last person was either grandma, papa or mama....see....i dont even remember,. seesh......

Lonliness accompanied by other lonely souls....:
i peer at the world from within my grey dark room,
i hide the monochomatic world i live in,
with bright paints to cover the gloom.

i thought i was all alone in this daily ritual,
but it turned out that i have similar neighbours
with every turn of the road i go.

they hang their lawns with colourful streamers
proclaiming joy to all.....
but yet i know the other side of their curtains,
is a grey shadow that grows dark and tall.

when will the sun shine into the gloom of these homes?
and paint the inside with rainbows too?
i know these colourful homes exsits somewhere.....
but the journey to it can be tiring though....

when will we open our hearts and show clearly,
the pain that is evident within it?
and yet still stand with our head held high,
walking on without turning back........

do i even dare?

just listen to my heart.........................hear me........................are you there?

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

Daddy's Gifts=PP

2007-04-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

wakakakakaka

Daddy came back from Vietnam today^^

and i am in a total blissful shock=D

Mom asked him to get her DiorAddict lipsticks for her at the DFS inside the checkin lounge area....cus her's are really almost finished......

and on top of that........

Dad got me the new 2007 Dior Flight Palette!!!!!!!

here are some pics i got off the net.

i can't even believe i am writing this........

this make up palette that they just launched for 2007 is the extension of DIOR's bag range DIOR FLIGHT which has the signature Orange tag (that also appears on this makeup palette) which says "REMOVE BEFORE FLIGHT" and of course Christian Dior's signature big metal "D"

The make up palette's casing is made of leather (or so they say-it smells like it though.haha) ..........

gosh...it so chic i can't bear to use it!!! arghhh!!!!!!

i guess i am shocked cause daddy seldom buys this kind of stuff for me.

therefore this HAS to go down in history somewhere=)

**tada**

my first branded makeup palette is from Christian Dior and was given to me by my daddy=)

and he also got me a white and pink Nike top^^ just do it man...wakaka

totally love it too=)) woohoo!

hmn......i am beginning to sound like a branded goods whore....*yauch*

well.....its just that its a really beautiful surprise so much so that i cant help but gush about it alittle^^ thats all.

i am gonna keep the gifts for life=D like all the gifts that my parents have given me......

this is the reason why my mom screams at me sometimes....for keeping too much so called "junk"...

bleahxxx

yea=) and mommy got me new jeans over the weekend=)) ---hey....this time no brand de k? haha.....

but though it isnt a branded good l(like what? miss sixty? zara? levis? lees?)

it still RAWKS!!!!

haha.

i totally love it like crazy!!!=D

Thanks mom thanks dad!

woo!!!

been addicted to Soompi forums recently....(due to the fact that i am stuck home for the hols. since i aint working=PP)

i love the pic spam of my fav korean group DBSK, oh...and SE7EN!!

YAY!!!

and they have this lifestyle and fashion thread in there......

and i am addicted to the clothes pic spam there as well!!! esp the Asian Fob style thread....

dang...i so totally want the clothes and shoes in there!!!!!! arghhh!!!!!!

**retial therepy deprived=PP**

okay.....i admit...i did have a session of retail therepy today......

hee^^

went VIVOCITY with jessica.=D

ate a "sinful" lunch at the HK cafe- had the fish and cheese backed rice!!!!!

and and equally "sinful" breaktime dessert after a round of window shopping and getting stuff at GIANT for the student advance.

hee.....jessica had Anderson's Belgium chocolate

while i had Rum&Raisin.....

and we spent ALOT of time in TOY'S R US!!!!

its FUN=)) (right jess????haha)

and......seriously....kids are so xing fu (fortunate) these days!

some of the toys are so sophisicated even i also don't know how to play=P

and we saw this cushy caterpillar toy for 3mth old babies in there....

it was cool i tell you.....

it taught numbers........

colours...

and...CLASSICAL MUSIC!!!!

it had Mozart!!, Vivaldi!!, Beethoven!!, Bach!!, and i forgot the other one......

its so INTERESTING!

and i saw lots of reasonable toys that i could envision myself buying to use in my preschool classroom in future=)

and as gifts for little kids=)

(my lecturer Corina wasnt lying when she said that one can get good toys below $10. She tells her kids that they can only pick a toy below $10, at home before they head to a day at the shopping centre)

and they have HUGE bears and other animals in TOY'S R US.....

and they are very very HUGGABLE!!!

couldnt help being reminded of korea's bear meuseum that is featured in Goong and GoongS=)

I LOVE TOY'S R US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got in touch with my inner kiddo today! love it=)

wakakakakakaka

there was this part where jessica n i were trying out the dart board and laughing like 2 big kids when a real little kid walked past and stood there and stared at us.....

we stopped and walked away in an albiet "paishehs" manner=PP

*teehee**

i had FUN today!=)

yay^^

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

boredom leads to fanatical obsessions=PPP

2007-04-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

hahahahahah

okok

i make it sound so bad.....

of course people entertain themselves when they are bored......so duh....of course i did!!!

with......

watching 궁S (GoongS aka Prince Hours)

it's story has totally nothing to do with Princess Hours. It's really just a special version of Goong=) which explains the S in the title=D SO seriously...people should stop comparing the two......i mean....wadsup with u guys???(ppl who dissmiss GoongS as a waste of time)........can't you see that the actresses and actors put alot of effort into filming??? and that it is really a sweet story that is totally watchable??? Plus there is eye candy for EVERYBODY!! Hey....there is SE7EN.......and erm...Kang Doo for the girls..and not to forget the Queen's boyfriend...the quite good looking european leacturer^^....and Hyo Yi Jae, Park Shin Hye

and Myung Se Bin (and more) for the guys.=)) *chuckles*

Seesh........

all that i am saying is that...hey....give 궁S a chance people!!!

and i m serious.....

it's CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here are some pics=PPP

Handsome and pretty people.............=PP

and........the BEST KISS in the show!!!

hehe^^

and i seriously am falling for Se7en...the main character=PPP

he is so cute!!!!!! wakakakakakaka

just look at him!!!!! ( go c the show la...and u will understand=PP---gals only i suppose)

hee^^
so cute man his expression*faints*....

die.........told you its a fanatical obsession didnt i?? jkjk=PP

all the females in the show are pretty........

but i especially like the Lady Emperor (Yew Wang Pye Ha) acted by Myung Se Bin=))

LOOK:

gorgeous and elegant...=)

here's another when she isnt in character=)) Pretty lady ya??? Good genes...*sigh

Hahahahahx=)))

Really love this show=))

and the OST rawks!!!!! they have songs by HOWL and J ( previously appeared in the princesshours soundtrack)

and........
they have a song from DBSK 's O Jung.Ban.Hap. album! titled REMEMBER=))

don't worry DBSK......
though i can be obsessed with SE7EN , GoongS and its cast.......

i STILL LIKE YOU GUYS ALOTALOT=))

hahaha.
can't wait for their new jap album to hit the shores of Singapore=PP
and.....can they come to S'pore????????? when are they coming...*sigh*

here's a random pic of DBSK=) DBSK aja aja fightin! GAMARIMASU NE=)

shuai right???? hahahahahx=PPP

credits:

www.goong-s.com

http://honeyfelton.multiply.com/photos/album/27

and Soompi Forums=)

-timeless-

言葉はいらない

i am a crazy "genius"

2007-04-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

yEa...

i am such a "genius"
on friday.....i was walking to PC's entrace and had to walk pass the garage.....
while chasing after wendeline as she went through the maze of motorbikes parked there......

so....i ended up managing to grab her tiny little hand in a small space between the garage door and the silver car parked infront of it...

what i didn't know was, my jeans had caught onto the corner of the silver car's number plate.......

i moved my leg to start walking....
and the next thing i knew.....

a third of the car's number plate (the part with the letters infront) came off!!!!!!!

wendeline and i stared at the car in shock.......

then wendeline's mom came up......
i asked her whose car it was...........

she said...."Reverend"

i almost fainted.........

i broke the number plate of Reverend Kato's car!!!!!!!!!!!
and it wasnt any other same old friday!!! there were overseas reverends there that night and the car was to be used by them!!!!!

i can't believe it.....

these things do happen......

i was practically hyperventilating=/

told you i am a "genius"

i walked into PC carrying a third of a number plate ( it felt cold by the way...)
people stared at me...well mostly the ushers anyway....

the ushers and the receptionist...i really want to thank them....
for helping me convey my apologies to Rev.Kato during such a busy time where guests were around as well as the ushers who help me temporarily resolve the issue.....

i couldnt forgive myself for not apologising face to face though...

so the next day, i went for morning gongyo and apologised to Rev.Kato.

Thankfully, he was really really nice and understanding about it=) "whew.."

but i still can't forget that i was such a clumsy dork ( haha...see...i contradict myself=/)heh....

but something kaofu said somehow touched me inside.....
he said "were you hurt??" and "you could have been badly cut"

those two sentences made me just suddenly feel so protected by the Gohonzon......

yea....he's right...i could have been hurt.....

i must really aprreciate this...

back to Friday night=))....
Went with Mae and Almeida to Bugis and had a nice makan session with them=))) at ajisen ramen..haha...volcano sauce..YUMMM.....hehe

the we went over to TCC=))) OOOOoooooo coffee=)))wakakakakak
had a really nice time drinking our iced lattes and frappes (OO sinful=PP hehe) whicle chating about anything and everything, from whether the waiter was a guy or a girl to cosmetic surgery to manymany many more stuff=))) let's go out again soon=)) **huggs**
i luuurrrve the red cushy couch in TCC=)) Nice interior too ( the one at bugis but not the one next to ajisen=P)

but i guess i got home kinda late....mom wanted to slp n she had to wait up for me=/ she was kinda mad. haishhh....oh well...

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-03-13T15:00:00.001+08:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

hahahax....saw jessica's blog and saw her version....
couldnt resist trying out too=P

well....wadaya think????
i think that maybe it is slightly similar because i am asian after all and most of the celebs that come out are asian???

puahahhhahha=P
theres a guy in there too
he is the jap's meteor garden's domyoji if i ain't wrong

haha
can't stop giggling=P
i tried another photo and Rain(Bi) turned up!!
i am so gonna try my brother's pic=PPP

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

JOBS

2007-03-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

hello hello
guess what i have been doing from monday till today( thursday)????
i landed myself a JOB...as a telemarketer
for TRUE YOGA........

but...
i quit today(thursday)=P

it wasnt exactly my cup of tea.....
i dont like the idea of forcing or using means and ways to entice people to come down for a free 7 days trial of yoga......
though if i could i would grab the trail tingy...cus...i wanna try yoga=P too bad i aint 21 yet...sobbs

anyways...back to the job thingy......
well...pay is alright........7 bucks an hour.......
people there are alright.....
the timing is 1pm -6pm...meaning i can sleep in.....

but...it just isnt the type of job for me i guess.......
its a matter of personality......

i'd rather do data entry or type stuff.........

however.......it has made me realise that.....
i know that i was meant for greater things than just sitting there like in this job....
i want to bring warmth and love to people through what i do in the future....
to touch the lives and inspire others.......
and i also realised that......not only is singapore my stage........
but the world is my stage=)
it has also replenished the fuel for my love of children and my diploma course in Ngee Ann=) ECH^^

and now that i am "free-er"
i can do things that i want in the next few days=)
like...painting......creating something?? like a bag???.....do arty farty stuffies=)
ohhhh....and read??? and hit the gym or pool downstairs???
watch VCDs and DVDs???-can't wait to get my hands of THE HOSPITAL^^
learn japanese??
learn korean??
learn piano???
practice singing???
finish typing an article=PP???
finish painting group flag???
blahhs-----

yepp=)) so much to do!!!

totally gonna love the next few days ahead=)))

----ohhh...and by the way....just realised that the area next to UOB Plaza....at the banks of Singapore River.........where the BIRD sculpture by BOTERO is........
i find that is a nice area for a photoshoot.......the angle and structures around......is really.....
hmn.....
**sigh**
***moment of randomness***

life is beautiful, it's beautiful to me.............

if you wanna be loved...love and be lovable.....(forgot who said this...its an american....erm...benjamin franklin???i think..)

-timeless-
言葉はいらない

when it hurts the most...

2007-02-25T00:39:00.000+08:00

when it hurts the most????
it can be the pain of losing someone important in your life.............

but.....it can also be something else....
i experienced once again today......
how much it can hurt when....
the people closest to you don't believe in you or do not show that they do.......

this person.....with one cold look filled with utmost seriousness (whether it was a joke or not.... ) stared stright in my eyes and added a smarting cutting sentence that totally undermined my abilities-gifts that i thought that i had....
gifts that i work hard....very very hard to improve on......

talk about adding bitter icing to some already bitter cake......

you already know you are not the best and all you cling on to is that tiny sense of self worth, confidence and hope.....pushing your own limits......
yet.....with a single sentence.......someone can break down your wall.....
the worst part is that this exact same person is a person you never undermined and believe wholeheartedly in their ability........some person you believe in......

so to the world out there.....don't be like this person.....
whether you mean it as a joke or not....
a sentence that crushes another's confidence and abilities hurts....alot alot....
although it may be human nature......
although one day you may even catch me doing what i tell you not to ( if it happens please stop me)
although it may be difficult.....please do try.........

say something nice not something that bites....

as for me.............
no matter how hurting it may be........
after the tears.......
is the time to look up and ahead and press on......
though one may look back and the tears can't help flowing........
with every tiny step........
i will do my best to achieve what i believe is ment for me......

eternal life / timeless memory

2007-02-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

Grandma has left us silently on Febuary 16.........

the funeral was today.........
i am very touched to see all my cousins chanting for grandma.....every single one.....
i am very touched by the people who came....and i want to express my heartfelt thanks to them...
as well as my heartfelt thanks to those that couldn't come but extended their concern and conodolences all the same.....

it was a quiet serene affair....almost beautiful i must say.......
there was no dramatic displays of emtions that would only pain my grandma

if i said that i am not sad.....i would be lying.....
she is the one who took care of me when i was a little baby......
i remember how i would kiss her goodbye on her lips everytime i visited her.....
i will miss her definitely......

but the messages that friends sent me will stay in my head...
telling me that life is eternal
and death is something all have to go through.....
that i must stay strong and love those alive all the more......

i know that life goes on.......

is that why i am not overly emtional??

or is it due to my uncanny skill of locking the pain elsewhere? just like the time where everyone cried when mummy had cancer and i didnt......
is that good or bad i wonder......
Mae told me once that i am too strong for my own good......
but i am not strong...not really....
maybe i seem this way because i happen to have this skill??

or is it that i am still in shock??
that reality has not really settled in?
it does seem rather surreal......
that she would not be there anymore.........
if i do have a delayed reation time......dont worry peeps.....i will dail for help....

whatever it is....i know she will be okay.....because she has the Gohonzon's protection....she believes in the True Law.

Life is eternal.....
and the memory of her will be timeless....
and forever safe in my heart....

i love you grandma and i wish i could have done more for you......
but you are safe i know.....
and that is all i ask for......

DongBangShinKi madness^^

2007-02-16T15:40:00.000+08:00

Yahhahahhhahh!!! My exams are so over and done with=)

throughout the entire study and exam break of about one week.......i was constantly distracted by all the videos one can find in YouTube that features DongBangShinKi=) or Tohoshinki (they are known by that in Japan)

ahhGhhhh!!!! you can't believe how crazy i am about them.....i have not been like that since the haydays of 5566....and this time it is even worse.....haishx

cus for one thing...i respect the fact that they really can sing....i am serious...i m not being biased

here....cus....i am darn particular about voice quality...haha

here is a picture of them.....

i got loads...thanks to Ivy-san!! Arigatou ne=)

nowadays....my MP3 is constantly playing their songs....I love the pulsating beats of their song "O"Jung.Ban.Hap......from their new 3rd korean album of the same name......the first time i heard it....i just wanted to dance to it=) their other fast paced songs also make me just want to dance like mad...heh...like Rising Sun, Dangerous Mind...hee=

as for their ballads,i like HUG, My Little Princess, You Only Love, Begin......

actually.......i love all their songs...

i dont know how to explain it.....

my brother says its just a phase that i will grow out of....

i wonder....but i doubt it....haha

Xiah JunSu recently collaborated with a newbie in the music scene JangRiIn.....they sang a duet...Timeless (korean version of KellyClarkson's english version) and.......gosh....i love it....the

gal is another vocal powerhouse....

here is the URL for the YouTube Clip of the MV...there are 2 parts...

its touching=) kinda sad....

Part1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G5HfeugmrA

Part2:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuYygfawhjY

I WISH I CAN SING LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!! well...i hope i can one day....haha

oh and did i mention that they are very comical actors??
their BanJun(reverse) Dramas that i watched on YouTube left me totally in stiches

if you ask me who is my favourite member.......

at the beginning...i was attracted to ChangMin(right)

then....slowly.....the rest was just as attractive and cute!!!

like ....JaeJoong (below)

and YunHo(right)

at first.... i really did not like YooChun very much...then............
watching all the videos totally changed my opinion....

here he is (below)

and...as for Xiah........

i totally fell for him when i saw this----->

man.....its soooo cute!!

i mean...his speaking voice may be very high pitched for a guy..but when he opens his mouth to sing....Wahhhh.....i just sighed in complete enjoyment=)

Hahahax=)

The are now releasing singles in Japan=)

the previous one was STEP by STEP..this song.......is inspiring me right now....because.....

i am now at a time where i know...no matter what i dream to do or become in the future...i have to take things one step at a time....and no matter how hard it is or how much i want to cry sometimes.....i have to look up at the sun......embrace the hikari(light) and its warmth and smile...because every small step you take means you are one step closer...

GAMBARIMASU!!!!!!

the most recent single released is Choosy Lover...and...OHHHhhhh.....it is kinda sexy....and by the way that was a bit of an understatement. *winks*

haish...wished i had a programme that can allow me type japanese and/or korean......hahah....if anyone knows how to get one...PLEASE enlighten ME!!!!!

Tomorrow is Lunar New Year Eve......

Hugs to all my friends out there=) Love you guys=)

ANd to those i haven't seen in awhile....i miss you all=) *BIG HUG to you all*

death

2007-02-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

okay
okay
i know how much this sounds like the hospice ads you see at the bustops and newpapers recently.....

i love them by the way.....because they are....meaningful...

anyways........

recently.....last friday, i recieved news that my paternal grandmother had a fall.....and at the end of it all.....she slipped into a coma after a brain haemorrage.

She still has not woken.......

According to the doctors, her CT scan shows that the haemorrage occuring right in the middle of the brain.......
its no wonder she is in a coma....
after revising my Child Development for my exams- which happened to have a section on Brain development......
the haemorrage being right at the centre is most porbably at the sensorimotor cortex-controls movement and stuff.

well...they also added that there is nothing much they can do.....
at this moment.....they dont know when is she going to wake...or whether she will wake....
basically....she is just waiting for time.......
her time to go....

saying that i am not affected by it all is the understatement of the year....

this beautiful old lady lying frail and unmoving on the hospital bed in TTSH was the one....

who carried and took care of me when i was an infant and almost all through my primary school years...

who taught me how to name my feet as "pig's trotters" in cantonese causing and uproar when i went for my check with the doctor when i was a kid....cus i told him "chee kiok"-pig's trotters when he pointed at my legs and asked me to name it.

who was the one whom i said fed me coffee when i was a kid in my coffee entry......

whom i would kiss on the lips or cheek when we visited her in my secondary school days till before she become silent and in a coma...

she is only waiting to say goodbye...thats what the doctors are saying.....

it is almost unimaginable how unnerving it is......to visit her bright and early at the hospital on a monday morning and see all the doctors going on their round in the wards and each one of them just passing my grandmother by.......

maybe i am just being emotional because those doctors i saw may not be her assigned doctor.....

even so............

its still nerve wrecking to a point of almost anguish and frustration........

i repeatedly told myself.......
if only i was a doctor.......
would that make a difference???

i can only say that though i can't make a difference now.......
i can dream of making a difference for others in the future......

we talk to her.........and only silence greets us......
i wonder if she can hear....
i am sure she does....=)
poor grandma.......she wants to respond....but something is stopping her......

is there even a chance of her opening her eyes again??

all i know is that if death does come i want to see her say goodbye.....
and be there to say goodbye
i sincerely hope she will leave with chanting around her......
with faith in the Gohonzon......
and even chant before she goes......

and that it will be peaceful and serene.........

i havent taken a photo with her in a long time...............
if she stood.....she will be below my chin...at my shoulders...........

classProDuctiOn=)

2007-02-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

Heys people=)

i jus wanna shout out to all the DIVAs form ECH 1DO1 that...

man...you guys totally rawked that day during the performance=P i know its a tad late writing right now....but still.....

this is one performance (and assignment) that will be lodged in my brain forever...

I mean....

who else could ever produce a better version of "The IDOLS by Elvis Broccoli"

we are the originals=)

lets leave everything to be savoured in our memories=)

here are some of the pics that i managed to get=PP

here's everyone in the cast and crew=)

with our lecturer Ms Belinda Seet=)

look at the beautiful and handsome ladies and the exotic car=P

My performing group- the SINGERS=)

we performed SWAY- the pussycat dolls version.........

retro style!!

hahax=)

Coffee

2007-01-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

My lecturer brought in people from STARBUCKS today to share with us about coffee....

i never realised that there was so much about coffee.....
to me, it used to be a dark coloured drink with caffine in it....
which my granny used to give me a little when i was a kid...

my only vivid memory of STARBUCKS coffee was when i was a kid in 1999 on a plane bound for USA New York...or was it Florida??? Can't remember.....
Anyways, my family found it hilarious when the air steward pushed his trolley up and down the aisle......
Repeatedly saying......

" STARBUCKS coffee........"

The people from STARBUCKS told us the origins of the name of the company and its logo....

STARBUCKS is a character from the book MOBY DICK
The lady in the centre of their logo is a siren from the mythology of the past...
They take twice as long to produce their premium coffee.....for they take pride in the quality of their coffee beans....
So much so that they make sure they get the best top grade beans....and process it throughly.
No shortcuts....
More research....

i learnt that to drink coffee, the best way is to SLURP it so that the coffee spreads around your mouth throughly....
the best way to brew a cuppa of coffee is....
using the FRENCH PRESS=)

the cylinder looking pot with a wire gauze that you can press down.....

1) put coffee grinds in the French press....
2) add hot water
3) wait 4 mins
4) Press the gauze down.

it apparently releases all the flavour of the coffee as well as its essential oils.....

Coffee goes well with some food...depending on what type and blend you drink and what food you eat....

they said that last year's Valentines Day Coffee was VERONA- goes well with chocolate......
u got to bite the chocolate in your mouth and spread it in there...then SLURP in the coffee=)

this year's valentine's coffee is some "guatamella" tingy.......too long to remember....
sounded like a tongue twister.......

also...they told us decaff does not mean no caffine but jus caffine at its minimum.....

but....................their one pack of coffee costs like 11-13 bucks.........

and it is rather tiny....

heheh

the price one has to pay for quality......

mommy says she rather get her KOPI from the kopitiam where they charge 70cents......

oh well..........
STARBUCKS............i guess is an indulgence for occasions?

and another thing....coffee.....they stain teeth...drink too much and i will give my onthodontologist (dentist-braces) as well as dental therpists a "wonderful" time removing them....

haha

still..
it was cool learning about coffee today....

it only goes to show how much we still have to learn from the world=)

Pictures....

2007-01-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

A picture tells a thousand words......

The artists of long gone eras, like leonardo and picasso have left their mark in history by saying something with their pictures and paintings....

In this modern day, we use the digital cameras that we have to document the special moments in our lives...
or to pass time...
or to evoke emotions........

i took a picture with grandma on my handphone the other day and while i was at vivocity, i took a look at it and it just made me emotional looking at it.....

i suddenly felt that...i really love my granny very much......

even though i snap at her when she repeats herself too much( it scares me cus this is a sign that she is aging veryveryvery rapidly).........
even though i get irritated when she nags......

i suddenly felt that, the further you are from that person......the more you will miss and realise that you care alot deep down inside.....
despite the fact that when you are both in the same room and you all sometimes really piss each other off.......
despite the times where you wished he or she would buzz off.....
despite the moments where you deny that you feel anything for that person.....

despite it all...deep down inside you do care.....

Also, today, my family chanted daimoku together at the PC.....
in front of the gohonzon...it suddenly just felt so beautiful to be kneeling there with my parents on my either sides and my brother next to my mother....
i don't know why but just like the way i suddenly felt so emotional about my granny's photo,
i felt the same way about my daddy too....as well as mummy and didi....

but at that moment....the most i felt for was for daddy.....
like, its so nice to be near my papa....
chanting together with him......
i could feel that he actually really sayangs me veryvery much.....

the rims of my eyes grew red and started to get more moist than usual....=PP

i tried to calm down and not tear up badly...or else daddy and mommy would have thought that i was bonkers and off my rocker....

even so...................

it was just so beautiful........
i really appreciate that i have the good fortune to practice together with my family.....

how do i tell you daddy??

2007-01-10T16:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday.......
it seems far away.......
yet i still remember it vividly ........

i quarreled with daddy........

though it is not as if it hasn't happened before
but even so, it still hurts doesn't it?

all i wanted to say was "daddy, didi needs you...he needs your praise and your support"

but it all escaleted into a huge quarrel in the car all the way to school in clementi that seemed to him to say that i as his child did not appreciate him............

it is almost needless to say that i cried buckets...

i found out later that he does show his concern to my brother in a more gentle way....which i sort of in a way said that he did not posses.......

it makes me so guilt-ridden.

but it all started with me just wanting to share with papa what i have learnt in class about positive child guidence..........
but i ended up hurting him...........

For My Daddy:

Since i was in the dark warmth of my mother's womb,
i heard you voice.
Since i first opened my eyes to see this world,
i saw your face.
With small steps i started walking my road in this world.
Yet every step would not have been possible without you.

As a baby and a little toddler you sang me to sleep
to the song "love your pa, love your ma...."
whose familiar notes that i still recall.

As a baby and a little toddler i delighted at your smile,
or cried when you frowned.
for the familiar notes still played.

yet.

Since i have growned and started having views of my own,
i wanted to shut out your voice.
Since i have grown and started having a mind of my own,
i sometimes want to shut out your face.

and slowly the familiar notes where shut away.
but they still softly, almost silently play.

till the day that it dawned that i have hurt
you in more ways than i know
so much so that is seems as if i no longer love or appreciate you.

yet daddy, the familiar notes still play.....
how do i tell you daddy,
that i do not want to dissapoint you in anyway?
how do i tell you daddy,
that i am still that same child that delights in your smile?

how do i tell you daddy,
that the familiar notes still play?
that i will never forget the words
"love your pa, love your ma"
that you once sang,
softly,
to end my day.....

i so want to tell you and show you that i love you daddy
but.......i don't know how.....
or am i just afraid?

What is freedom really???

2007-01-07T01:00:00.001+08:00

Is Freedom really freedom in its true sense?

Once we break free of something, of some chain tying you, one will say its freedom at last.
But are we truely ever free of anything?
I mean, aren't we the subset of something else, some other restriction after we have broken out of one?

ignore me....
just another random rumbling from me=P

Solitude in a crowd...

2007-01-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it feels so weird......

you are in a crowd, yet
you feel so alone, like you can't connect with the people around you.
then again, it could be one's own arrogance.

The ironic thing is that these days, i feel that i want to be alone even admist my friends in school. it is as if there is more attraction to being solitary.............
unexplainable i guess..........i mean...there are a million and one reasons i suppose. Maybe i misplaced the part of my brain that tells me to socialize???? yea right...

have i begun to close myself up i wonder....
and if there is a problem......i wonder what the problem is??
again how ironic=/

all i can say is......diligent daily practice!!!!! gambatte masu!

A New Year Has Come..........

2007-01-01T16:47:00.000+08:00

To all my dear friends, a very Happy New Year to all of you. I wish everyone every success in the year ahead.=)

Isn't it scary?? I seems just moments ago that i met Mae and all the rest, but actually, it has already been one whole year. I wonder, years down the road, would i still remember what it was like to be 16, 17?

Well, 2006 was filled with all sorts of memories, but in life, people only look back and with a smile-that is sometimes tinged with a little sadness, and after that, they live on. I want to live on, with as much courage as Aya from One Litre Of Tears.

Who is Aya?? She is the main character of the show One Litre of Tears which is based on a real story. She has an incurable disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration. As the disease progresses, the victim slowly lose her ability to walk, talk, write but her thinnking-brain is not affected.

Imagine being pulled off the young active colourful life one can have at 15? Imagine the agony of wanting to say something, of having so many thoughts you want to express and yet, your mouth does not want to do your bidding. Imagine knowing that with every step you take, you are just stepping nearer to you death and that you will be killed by something as small as choking.

What does she live for? she constantly asks herself. She wants to do something to help others. Her dairies were published and inspired those that were like her, trapped by the disease.

As i watched the show, i could not help myself from crying buckets for the pain, courage and frustration of all the characters.

Small beautiful stories like that are found actually in every corner of the earth. They all speak of true human emotion. I want to learn of more of such stories.

Aya-chan lived a life of darkness and yet she was still able to smile. So did her family.
Though she asked "What do i live for?" she bravely plodded on and found meaning in it in the end.

Then, what do i live for? I ask myself.
I am still looking for that answer.
I want to be like Aya-chan. I want to be brave like her, and smile through any adversity. I want to touch the lives of others in some way. I want to look up at the sky eveyday and smile as the warmth of the sun caress my face or as the stars twinkle at me.
Even though its true that like Aya-chan, every step we make is a step closer to death, but every moment till then there is something beautiful that we can do.

and......................
everyday, with every little step..............i want to find the light in my life.

Learning to breathe in the fresh air..... and find myself through the invisible maze

2006-12-31T00:06:00.000+08:00

The year 2006 has almost drawn to a close. Tomorrow night, countdown parties are being held like sprouting mushrooms across the island of Singapore.
Kenshu 2006 is over and today we had the review.
Yet throughout it, the old feelings of anger, contempt, arrogance and inadequecy etc etc engulf me.
Am i even fit to be here? I ask. I try and try to sweep away these silly thoughts. Yet, they still stay, like some stubborn stain that would not go away.

My heart is empty and like a void i float around this universe, seemingly uncarring. Even unfeeling. I watch shows that make myself shed tears to keep check that i am still human, that i still have feelings to speak of. Why is it that i can feel so much for a character in a show and yet in real life, i shut my self up. I switch off my brain when others are sharing, or rather when certain people are sharing. I hate myself for having double standards.

What is it that has made me become so devoid of emotion? Or is it that i am too hurt, tired and wounded in the many rat races i have unknowingly signed up for, that this is my instinctive reaction. Which is to numb myself and become somthing just better than a mennequin-cus' i can talk.

I have been traped so long, and now i am slowly breaking free.
I test my wings alittle, stretching it alittle.
I break out of my cell, of which i have been almost entombed.
And call out to the new world, announcing my arrival.

My heart had seemingly been devoured, almost beyond reseruction.
Yet with every slight pulsating beat, i can feel it forming again.
Soon i hope to test uncharted waters
Soon i hope to soar
And get a deep clean breath of fresh air
with the hope of many more.

My vision had seemingly been blurred with everything beyong recognition.
Yet with every little trying blink, i can see it clearing again.
Soon i hope to test uncharted waters
Soon i hope to see
And navigate myself out of this invisible maze
into the bright warmth of the sun's embrace.

Soon i hope to call out to the world and say that i can feel my heart beating strongly once more.

As one last note.......i believe that i am breaking free of my reins.
When your first instinct tells you to run away.......
I guess it just isnt gonna be........
So i will face up to any opposing winds
with a brilliant smile
and learn to slowly embrace the world once more.

Why let them control you? Where's the you i know?

2006-12-16T01:54:00.000+08:00

With uncertainty, i reach out my hand
to you who clings on the edge of the land
With soft coaxes and kind words,
i tried to make you take it.
but yet i am not sure
if you really heard them.

With slight desperation, i tried to make you see
that letting yourself lose yourself
will make you only fall and hurt thee.
Some sharp words were added
to jolt you to your senses.
but yet again i am not sure
if you really heard them.

It hurts to see that a lesson learnt once before by me
is replayed in another's life with glee.
Maybe its just a lesson one has to learn for oneself.
Maybe you have to hurt to learn.

I remember the burning pain searing in my heart
the mental turmoil that ripped me almost in two
in what seems like eons ago.
Does this mean that one day soon to come i will see
the very same things reflected in your eyes,
to seem to tear you apart
and make you feel like there is no place on earth for you to breathe?

Yet, one day, i woke up.
Smelling the sweet smell of something like spring.
Two beautiful sentences from one beautiful friend,
had shook me back to my senses again.

Why let them control you?
Where's the you i know?
She asked.

The pain dissapeared
and my smile returned.

Why let them control you?
Where's the you i know?
She asked.

This time i hope that you really hear.

by SanSan=)

starting afresh

2006-12-11T20:29:00.000+08:00

okkaayss..........
so. at the very beginning of 2006 i did get a blog........however...this dorkus here didnt maintain it and it just stayed stagnant. (So this is try number 2 for me=P) Furthermore, well...i seriously do not know how to maintain it...
so it is gonna be some time before it gets really pretty around here(i hope-will learn my way through this! gambatte masu!)

well, its been really empty lately and writing into my manual journal...well, lets just say that it is getting harder and harder to do so. So maybe i should start embracing the easier and more convinient way out and let my fingers do the talking instead.

love always
sansan

Floating thoughts

kindred

name this game

idk

Maybe...

Hate that I Love You Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo

dropping

SoulJa feat. Yukie - Soba Ni iru Ne

Koko ni Iru yo- SoulJa ft. Thelma Aoyama ENG SUBBED

Soba Ni Iru Ne

Soba Ni Iru Ne - Thelma Aoyama Feat. SoulJa

housekeeping

FINAL SEM...

Updates.........

Gifts that you have should be used to make good.

You Can't stop the beat!

International relations and its inspirations

if your cry for it instictively, it is the dearest isnt it?

a start of a new journey

The wall

Tale of a shoe

新年快乐！！

Field Supervision for Maths

my karChung (cousin) is hOme=)

there is a first time for everything

if you had only 6 months to live

friggin hell

Lessons learnt

过一天算一天

looking back

Teaching Nervosia

arts intoxication

18

Mom's birthday=)

Heidi ANd Travis Episode 16

Been there, done that

Recently......最近は。。。。。。

Hyperventilating!

Daddy's birthday=)

The Tapestry

what i want to paint....

recent staples in my survival kit

looking back

officially a tutor

My first time teaching.....

野田めぐみ と チ秋さま＝）のだめカンタビェ おもしろいい です！

Update=) Mother's Day=)

The Phantom of the Opera

DBSG_Star King 4/7 [ENG SUB]

phone resuscitation in process........

mini pic spam=)

Jump for JOY=)

the wind............

JuBilaTion

School's back!!! with all it warth........

last day before a new semester begins....................

tired but happy^^

Excited!!!!!!

Schools STARTING!!!!!!!!!

Daddy's Gifts=PP

boredom leads to fanatical obsessions=PPP

i am a crazy "genius"

My Celebrity Look-alikes

JOBS

when it hurts the most...

eternal life / timeless memory

DongBangShinKi madness^^

death

classProDuctiOn=)

Coffee

Pictures....

how do i tell you daddy??

What is freedom really???

Solitude in a crowd...

A New Year Has Come..........

Learning to breathe in the fresh air..... and find myself through the invisible maze

Why let them control you? Where's the you i know?

starting afresh

野田めぐみ　と　チ秋さま＝）のだめカンタビェ　おもしろいい　です！